Mojoverse Science Theatre 2099 by Mela
Episode 6: Triple Feature Finale
- “Strong Spirit” by CosmicGiraffe/Hay Lin/HayLinAir
- “Here’s My Heart” by Nina Bechtold
- “Two Tainted Hearts” by Kate-chan 91
[HOUSE OF PAIN, BRIDGE. DOUG is sitting on the desk’s top, looking rather sulky. From left enter TOM, BRIAN, SARAH, and LAURIE; they’re eating popcorn from a bowl that has been installed place of TOM’s dome.]
TOM: (to KIDS) So I said to them, I don’t like explaining how I’m trapped with dead X-Kids and stuck reading bad stories. That’s for someone in a jumpsuit to do, not a robot.
LAURIE: Well, I’d give it a shot...
BRIAN: Count me out - I hate giving exposition.
SARAH: Same here. I-
[SARAH stops and notices DOUG. She elbows LAURIE, who in turn quietly directs TOM and BRIAN’s attention to their mopey crewmate. ALL stare at him for a beat.]
SARAH: Uh... Doug? Anything wrong?
DOUG: (sighs and sits up) I’m just wondering where it all went wrong...
BRIAN: What do you mean? Our deaths.
DOUG: No, more like... Like the band Heart. Remember how they used to do awesome guitar-wailing rock songs like ‘If Looks Could Kill’ and ‘Barracuda’? Then in, like, the mid-Eighties, all they did were sappy love ballads full of synthesizers. And it’s not just that. Back in the day, Radio Shack gave all their big electronics the name ‘Tandy’, like a Tandy 500 or a Tandyvision game system. Now you’ll be lucky to find the right wires to hook up your DVD player there, let alone electronics named after someone’s aunt. It’s... It’s just not right.
BRIAN: I think I *do* know what you mean. I know a little part of me died when Wendy’s took out the SuperBar. That was the only edible thing there, too...
SARAH: (disdainfully) Final Fantasy 8. Until then, it was all good game play with a good story. Then with 8, it all became crappy story with minimal game play masked by pretty graphics. Not even having an attack dog could save that mess. And it just keeps getting worse. (sighs)
LAURIE: Every time I find a spin-off soda I like, it’s yanked off the market. Each time it drives me crazy. Orange Mountain Dew, Seven Upside Down, Pepsi with Lime... it’s just cruel and pointless.
TOM: You know where it went wrong for me? When I realized you were just updating an old chat I had with Joel and Crow about how Hell works.
[Long pause. KIDS fidget as they contemplate the sheer unoriginality of it all. After several beats, the lights on the desk start to flash.]
TOM: Uh... Doug?
DOUG: Oh, right. (hits lights)
TOM: (to camera) We’ll be right back.
[COMMERCIALS.]
[BRIDGE. TOM’s dome is back to normal, and ALL are standing behind the desk.]
LAURIE: So which one should we try next? The ‘Hobgoblins’ sneak-out? ‘Servo on Cinema’? Waffle Day?
TOM: How about *none* of those? There’s a radical idea. (notices lights start to flash again) Dr. Fosbender and TV’s Fred are calling.
BRIAN: (hits the lights) Yes, oh ineffectual ones?
[CONTROL ROOM. MAJOR DOMO is reading a print-out and shaking his head. MINOR DOMO is bouncing around from shoulder to shoulder of his, trying to see what he’s reading.]
MAJOR: Oh dear... oh dear, oh dear... (looks up) Good morning, cats and kittens. I’ve got bad news and bad news. Which do you want first?
[BRIDGE]
TOM: Huh. Guess we’ll take the bad news, then.
[CONTROL ROOM]
MAJOR: How brave. Well, here goes. We’ve been cancelled.
[BRIDGE. Dramatic musical sting plays.]
ALL: What?!
[HOUSE]
MAJOR: I know, I know. Our audience surveys said... (sighs) Minor, you want to read these? I can’t re-enact the sheer brainlessness.
MINOR: Yay! (grabs paper and starts to read) ‘Too long, didn’t read’... ‘Don’t read if you don’t like’... ‘Where’s Wolverine?’... ‘Not enough action’... ‘Too nerdy’... ‘I liked that story, you dimwits’... ‘The girls should be in bikinis’...
MAJOR: (yanking paper away) In other words, our audience is full of morons. Now, for the bad news - the almighty jelly mold doesn’t know what to do with us. Minor and I will probably go back to wrangling X-Babies... (pauses in thought, shudders) But your fates are still up in the air. (looks at wrist and studies what might be wristwatch) You can start panicking... now.
[BRIDGE. Strangely, no one is panicking.]
TOM: This all feels strangely familiar... Don’t know why, though.
[LAURIE gestures and opens her mouth to speak; DOUG quickly puts his hand on her shoulder and shakes his head.]
SARAH: So... that’s *it*? Not even a week’s advanced notice? We’re just canned heartlessly like we’re ‘Creature Comforts’?!
DOUG: We never even dissed ‘CSI’ that much, either.
BRIAN: Maybe we’ll get a reunion movie in a few years...
[CONTROL ROOM. MAJOR is in the foreground, while MINOR is in the background, loudly trying to fold the papers into oversized origami shapes.]
MAJOR: No, no, no. I’ve gotta buy some time to figure out what to do with you. (sighs) After all this time, I’ve gotten too attached to kill you. Even though I have no idea why.
[MAJOR looks to the background and watches as MINOR cheerfully starts to eat the print-out.]
MAJOR: Ah... there’s why. Well, I might have a vague idea. Anyway, back to business. I’ve got a triple feature for today, to tide us both over and send this show out in style. The first story is a W.I.T.C.H.-y tale about a dynamic new character, the second is a Captain Planet story about endless romance, and the last takes us back to W.I.T.C.H. to fill in part of the series’ missing history. Consider it a farewell marathon of sorts. (over his shoulder) Minor, you want to do the honors one last time?
MINOR: (spits out bit of paper) Oh! Uh... okay! (dashes over and pulls the lever)
MAJOR: Hope you have your resumes ready. If you need anything... we’ll be in touch.
[BRIDGE. Fanfic sign lights and sirens are on full force, but ALL just stand still and let it soak in for a beat.]
DOUG: Huh...
LAURIE: Don’t really think I’ll miss *this*...
TOM: (resigned) Let’s go, kids.
[Door sequence... ALL enter the theater and take their seats.]
DOUG: I wonder if the Domos will write us letters of recommendation.
LAURIE: I’m sure Minor will - if you don’t mind it being done in crayon.
>
> Author's Note: Okay, this is a story about
BRIAN: A man named Jed.
TOM: (yelling) JEEEDDD!
BRIAN: Gah!
> the sixth guardian. I
> always wanted to write something like this,
SARAH: So that it could be lost among the seas of other ‘new guardian’ stories and left to die.
> so here's my chance.
DOUG: Turns out there’s only a three-day window to start a fanfic before your keyboard explodes.
> Oh, and by the way,
LAURIE: “There’s a piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth.”
> Cait Linwill
TOM: From Hearts...
> be in all of my FanFictions from
> now on.
SARAH: “But she’s not a proxy for me! Nuh-uh, no way!”
> If you would like to use her,
BRIAN: “To, y’know, help you move and stuff...”
> you have to ask my
> permission and
DOUG: Fill out the attached forms - black ink only.
> credit me...so don't take the credit. I'll be
> watching you. does the sign language from Meet the Fockers
TOM: What, no weird brackets for your stage directions? I feel rooked.
> I
> read all of the FanFics.
LAURIE: Wow, you have a *lot* of free time on your hands.
DOUG: Bet that hasn’t done your English grade any favors.
> Anyway, let me show you the proper
> summary.
SARAH: We’re already here! You don’t need to advertise the story anymore!
>
> Summary:Cait Lin
TOM: What happened to ‘Linwill’?
BRIAN: That was a typo. (pause) I hope.
> has moved from Foster Home to Foster Home all
> her life,
LAURIE: No one wanted her to be their imaginary friend.
> until she finds her real family.
BRIAN: And despite the total lack of emotional bonding, she’ll fit right in with them immediately.
> It is then that her
> life changes forever.
DOUG: Her parents were Seventh Day Advent Hoppists.
SARAH: Some guy gave her a briefcase with one hundred untraceable bullets...
> A strange and different girl who is new to
> town
TOM: Is the star of this Newberry Award-winning story about growing up.
> doesn't have many people begging to be her friends,
SARAH: But they *will* line up with bats and shovels to pummel her.
> until
> her twin sister, Hay Lin,
LAURIE: Hey! They both use their full names all the time? I don’t get it.
BRIAN: It’s okay - it’s a gray area in the comics, too.
DOUG: I’m more bothered by Cait’s sheer pun-ness. Ugh.
> introduces her to her four best
> friends.
TOM: (Hay) “Hey, sis - I went to Target and bought you four new best friends!”
SARAH: (Cait) “Wait, these are just Bratz dolls...”
> Soon, Cait Lin realizes that
BRIAN: She hates her birth parents and misses the workhouse.
> her life is going to take
> a bizarre turn in life,
DOUG: Which is the life she is living alive right now live in her life.
> when she finds out something about Hay
> Lin,
LAURIE: that her favorite thing to drink is French dressing?
> her friends, and herself,
TOM: Dear Lord, if this is a lemon...
BRIAN: A *Disney* lemon, too.
> and when she meets the boy of her
> dreams.
SARAH: Guaranteed to be well designed and 100% personality free.
BRIAN: Just like Caleb.
SARAH: Hey, yeah!
> This is the story about a girl who never was anything
> special, until she found out that she was really very special
> all along.
TOM: And then her dog died, and so did her best friend and her grandma, and she declared it the day her innocence died. And then the story won a Newberry Award.
>
> Disclaimer: Ya know there's gotta be one.
DOUG: One with no real legal info and a string of irritating in-jokes.
> So, here it goes: I do
> not own W.i.t.c.h. or any of its contents,
BRIAN: So even if you bought the comics and the books, someone from Disney can come to your house and take them back anytime.
> except for of course
> my own character, Cait Lin,
LAURIE: I wonder what the odds are of the author’s name being Caitlin?
DOUG: Too high to bother.
> and the boy of her dreams, which
> will remained unnamed until Chapter 2.
TOM: (deadpan) Oh, no. The suspense is killing me. Please tell me the name of this dreamy new guy.
>
> And now, onto the story!
>
> Strong Spirit
SARAH: Wild Turkey? Sure!
>
> By: CosmicGiraffe
BRIAN: A giant planet-eating space giraffe? That’d be kind of neat.
>
> Chapter One:
>
> Cait Lin
LAURIE: Please, we get it - she’s the star, and it’s her story. You don’t need to repeat it like a mantra.
>
> I should start out on the basics.
DOUG: Noun and verb, present tense.
> My name is Cait Lin, and I am
> a 13 years old.
TOM: A 13 years old *what*?
> I have long black hair down to my knees
SARAH: That’s greasier than a car engine.
> with
> light purple highlights at the end.
LAURIE: Thanks to an unfortunate accident with Sun-In.
>
> I have dark brown eyes that look black from far away,
BRIAN: Or whenever the colorist gets lazy.
> and I am
> very skinny.
DOUG: (Cait) “I’m pro-ana. Food is evil, skinny is divine.”
> I have a weird taste in clothes too.
TOM: (Cait) “In clothes, I taste like Coke mixed with milk.”
BRIAN: So she’s Hay Lin with wonky hair.
>
> Anyway, now to start the story.
SARAH: At long last, after the 25 prologues...
>
> Cait Lin packed her bags slowly,
DOUG: (Cait) “One sock... two socks... three socks...”
> getting ready to leave
TOM: Earth with our alien superiors.
> this
> horrible foster home
LAURIE: I don’t really know anything about the reality, but why does every foster home in fiction come straight from Lifetime?
TOM: Because they don’t have orphanages anymore.
> and to something way more better:
BRIAN: (fingers crossed) Please don’t say Hogwarts and be a crossover... *please* don’t be a crossover...
> her real
> home.
SARAH: In beautiful Camden!
>
> All her life she has been an orphan, until she found her real
> parents.
LAURIE: Then they reminded her why they gave her up in the first place, and it was back to the foster home.
> She also found out she had a twin- Hay Lin- too.
SARAH: Wait, did their folks decide they only wanted one?
DOUG: It’s probably like Barry’s twin in ‘The Flash’, and Cait was stolen to become Hay’s nemesis or something.
>
> She was so happy!
BRIAN: (Cait) “Yay! No more sleeping in the tool shed!”
> She tied her hair into three pigtails
LAURIE: A traditional symbol of happiness on her homeworld.
DOUG: Then she performed a celebratory Quirklefleeg.
> and then
> tied them all together
TOM: Uh, sweetie? That’s a braid.
> with one elastic.
BRIAN: The one from the broccoli.
> Another reason she was
> different.
SARAH: Oh, big deal. Like you’re the only one with weird hair?
LAURIE: Yeah! Sarah’s looks like it was cut in the dark.
SARAH: Yeah! (pause) Hey!
>
> Her twin would probably think she was crazy.
TOM: And kill her to protect the family’s reputation.
>
> As Cait Lin lugged her suitcase out of the home
DOUG: (Cait, straining) “Maybe I shouldn’t have packed those cinder blocks...”
> she sighed. Her
> life of suffering was over.
LAURIE: Lord, how she’d miss the cold water baths and forced ‘Party of Five’ marathons.
> She was now going on to a better
> one,
BRIAN: In theory.
> apparently one with a restaraunt under the apartment, too.
SARAH: Oh, joy! the constant sounds and smells of a greasy spoon right below your bedroom! It’s a dream come true!
TOM: (Cait) “I hope it’s a Baja Fresh.”
>
> Cait Lin hopped into the car
BRIAN: Wait, she’s thirteen!
> that was waiting for her outside.
BRIAN: Oh.
DOUG: (ad-esque) Need a ride but don’t want to wait for taxi? Story too short for you to walk? Call Plot Rides, and we’ll conveniently ferry you from one setting to the next - for *free*!
> As her real dad closed the door behind her,
TOM: She’s leaving her birth home already?
BRIAN: I think he’s driving.
TOM: Oh, okay.
DOUG: I did that ad for nothing?
> she looked to her
> left.
LAURIE: (Cait) “Oh, hey, it’s my new dead great aunt!”
> Her twin sister, Hay was there.
SARAH: Her twin sister was holding a bail of hay.
BRIAN: Can we put a stop to that now? I can’t take a whole story’s worth of hay/Hay jokes.
TOM: Okay - from now on, next person to make a hay/Hay joke has to clean out the fridge.
SARAH: (groans)
DOUG: (whispered) Oh dear God...
>
> "hi!" She said cheerfully,
DOUG: Oh, she speaks Internet.
> flashing her a huge smile.
TOM: And showing off her dancing teeth.
>
> The two looked really alike, except for of course Cait's
> highlights.
BRIAN: So, like, if you recolor a picture of Hay Lin with MSPaint, it’ll totally look like Cait Lin.
> "Hi." Cait Lin said shyly, rummaging through her
> duffel bag.
LAURIE: (Cait, semi-desperately) “Cyanide pill... cyanide pill... I *know* I packed it...”
> When she looked up, she noticed something.
SARAH: (Cait) “Hey, she has two noses, just like me.”
>
> Hay Lin had two pigtails,
DOUG: Oh, that’s *way* too normal to be part of Cait’s bloodlines.
> with green goggles on her head and an
> alien T-shirt!
TOM: (Cait, thrilled) “She swore allegiance to the overlords, too!”
> Cait Lin gasped and felt her own head...yup,
LAURIE: Her hair had *not* fallen out.
> she
> had her yellow googles on, too.
BRIAN: So the recolor is even easier.
>
> For once in her life, Cait Lin didn't feel so weird anymore.
SARAH: There was still that ‘face-diving the plate at dinner’ thing, but they’d just have to adjust.
> "So, you like Aliens?"
TOM: (Cait) “Well, that one’s good, but I find the more suspenseful tone of the first film to be superior.”
> Hay Lin asked. "Of course." Cait said,
> pointing to her duffel bag,
BRIAN: (Cait) “There’s one in here right now.”
> which had an alien on the front. Hay
> Lin grinned even wider.
DOUG: Dear God, their father’s the Joker!
>
> Finally they pulled into a driveway.
LAURIE: (Cait) “Is this my new home?”
BRIAN: (Hay) “Yeah, yeah. You go in first and look around, and we’ll be in to join you soon. Oh, and if you hear wheels squealing, that’s the neighbors.”
> Cait Lin looked out the
> window
SARAH: (Hay) “Mom! She’s looking out my window!”
> and saw a chinese restaraunt called the Silver Dragon.
DOUG: Soon, her life would be filled with the smells of egg rolls and szechuan chicken.
> She knew automatically that this was
SARAH: Hell.
> her home.
SARAH: And it’d be Hell.
>
> She dragged out her suitcase
LAURIE: (Cait, straining) “Should’ve left that boat anchor behind...”
> and walked into her new house.
TOM: (sniffing) Oh, they must have a cat... or six.
> She
> looked now at her Black tee and matching mini-skirt. She thought
> it made people think she was depressed,
LAURIE: But that’s the only look accepted by Blackwell’s Best Dressed list.
> so she decided to change
> into something more bright and cheerful.
LAURIE: And that’s how you get on the Worst Dressed list.
> She unpacked her drawing supplies
BRIAN: College-ruled paper and mechanical pencils.
> and comic books.
DOUG: Brigade, Bloodwulf, Glory, Youngblood...
> Then she
> unpacked her clothes and
TOM: Dropped them on the floor.
> changed into a bright pink tee and jean
> skirt.
DOUG: The Eighties never really ended for Cait...
> She took out her iMac Portable
(ALL laugh.)
TOM: Yes, her horrible foster parents *bought her a laptop*.
SARAH: It’s emotional abuse - now she’d be lumped with smug Mac snobs.
> and placed it on her new
> desk.
BRIAN: Now straight to bed!
>
> Pretty soon she was bored,
LAURIE: Maybe she should try turning the laptop on.
> so she walked out of the room to go
> see Hay Lin.
SARAH: (Cait, annoyed) “Gee, I guess I gotta *bond* with my family or something.”
> As she walked down the hall way to her sister's
> room, she heard voices.
TOM: The ones that told her to burn down the house?
>
> Even though she didn't like eavesdropping, she put her ear
> against the door.
BRIAN: It’d be a few weeks till she had the surveillance equipment she’d need to do this right.
> "So, you have a twin?" a voice asked. "Yup, her name is Cait
> Lin." Hay Lin said proudly.
DOUG: (voice) “So where’s she from?”
LAURIE: (Hay) “Who cares? She has goggles!”
> "Wow, I only thought this kind of
> stuff happened in movies." another voice said.
SARAH: (voice) “That and orangutans marrying people.”
>
> Cait Lin stopped there.
TOM: (Cait) “Oh my God, I’m nothing but a plot contrivance!” (cries)
> Taking a deep breath,
BRIAN: (loud gasp)
> she knocked on the
> door.
LAURIE: (Hay) “Shave and a Haircut? What the hell?”
> She heard footsteps and then the door opened.
DOUG: Cait was two stories down by then.
TOM: (Cait) “I’m still the queen of Ding Dong Ditch!”
> "Hi." Hay
> Lin said cheerfully, letting her twin into the room.
SARAH: I’m getting the weirdest feeling that this’ll end up like ‘Single White Female’, and if that’s the case, then I’m leaving before Cait kills the dog.
TOM: But that’s what’ll win this story a Newberry Medal!
SARAH: Will you shut up about the Newberries?
> "These are
> my four best friends, Will, Irma, Taranee, and Cornelia."
LAURIE: (Hay, sweetly) “Think about replacing me in their hearts, and I *will* kill you.”
> She
> pointed to a redhead, a brunette,
DOUG: (Hay) “And that’s Daphne, and that’s Velma.”
> an African-American girl with
> beaded hair,
BRIAN: (sarcastic) Oh, was it in cornrows, or was it pulled back with one of those knobby bands?
> and a blonde.
DOUG: (Hay) “And there’s She-Ra.”
>
> "Hi." Cait Lin said shyly, waving.
TOM: (Cait) “Hi, please don’t use me as a virgin sacrifice, okay?”
> "Yup, she's definitely your
> twin." Irma nudged Hay and chuckled.
SARAH: (Hay, weakly) “Oh, Irma made a joke... heh.”
>
> "Well, I guess I better get going."
LAURIE: Cinder blocks aren’t gonna unpack themselves...
> Cait Lin said, walking out.
> "Okay." Hay said slowly, smiling. "See ya at dinner."
BRIAN: (Hay) “Don’t ask too many questions - just eat it. Trust me.”
> With that,
> Cait walked back out into the hallway to her room.
TOM: (Cait) “That was the most awkward nanosecond of my entire life.”
>
> Suddenly she heard a ringing in her head.
SARAH: She’d thought too hard and set off her brain’s fire alarm.
> A voice hissed.
TOM: It was pissed that the house wasn’t on fire.
> "AGH!"
> Cait Lin screamed, holding her head.
LAURIE: Man, those are some serious phantom paints. She should see a psychicical doctor.
> Suddenly there was a knock
> on her door.
DOUG: (knocker) “Can’t you die quietly? We’re watching ‘Friends’ in here!”
>
> The ringing stopped
BRIAN: Why would you knock on the doorbell?
> and Cait Lin, still dazed, walked up to open
> the door.
SARAH: (Cait) “Dude, why are you knocking on the doorbell?”
> "Oh, hi Hay Lin." She said, seeing her identical twin.
LAURIE: Gee, thanks for reminding me how identical they are. I almost forgot for a paragraph.
> "Hi..." She started.
DOUG: (Hay) “I thought I heard the death rattle of a sick bison in here? Or was that you?”
> "Me and my friends wanted to know if you
> wanted to go to a dance club tonight."
TOM: (Hay) “While we stay here and mock your personal belongings.”
> She smiled.
>
> Cait Lin looked surprised, but she couldn't refuse.
LAURIE: The goggles blocked her ability to say ‘no’ to fellow wearers. Which, when you think about it, is all kinds of dangerous.
> "Uh...Sure."
> She said with a cheesy grin.
BRIAN: (Cait) “How can I tell her that dancing is against my religion?”
> "Good, can't wait."
SARAH: (Cait) “I’ll just hang out at the club... outside... and down several blocks... in my room.”
> With that, Hay
> regrouped her friends.
DOUG: Staring at them and nipping like a Border Collie.
> Cait Lin envied her...she's always been kind of a loner.
BRIAN: But a bit of E could fix that.
>
> Tonight was her chance to make new friends,
TOM: Or get forcibly ejected by the bouncer.
SARAH: Or wind up on cable access dressed like a giant baby.
> and get settled into
> her home.
LAURIE: By fleeing it as soon as possible.
> Cait Lin smiled to herself and went to go and decide
> on her outfit.
DOUG: Just go in your undies... no one will mind.
>
> Author's Note:
BRIAN: What the-?
TOM: *Clubbing* is our cliffhanger?
> Okay, sorry it's so short.
LAURIE: Don’t be - mentally, I’m doing a Touchdown Shuffle.
> But it is the first
> chapter after all.
DOUG: “You’ll have plenty more time to feel like you’ll never the growing plotless mire.”
> It will be more exciting in the following
> chapters, believe me.
SARAH: Especially after the part that crosses over with Mortal Kombat.
> I'm lovin' this story
BRIAN: Well, good for you.
> so Chapter Two is
> going to come as early as tomorrow,
TOM: Sure as sunrise, a second dull chapter shall come.
> or maybe even tonight.
LAURIE: “I’ll keep updating and updating so I’m *always* at the top of the page!”
> Well,
> please Read & Review.
BRIAN: That’s exactly what we’re doing.
> I'd really appreciate it.
DOUG: Do you mean ‘bake us brownies’ appreciate it or just ‘say thanks’ appreciate it?
> But, please, no
> flames!
SARAH: “And by ‘flames’, I mean any comment that isn’t a gushing, sloppy fountain of vacant praise.”
>
> Next, on Strong Spirit:
SARAH: Rocks fall, everyone dies?
>
> Cait Lin has a great night at the dance
SARAH: Damn.
BRIAN: Well, what she could remember...
>
> She meets the boy of her dreams.
TOM: As foreshadowed in the disclaimer.
>
> She becomes well known for her talent of dancing.
LAURIE: She’s the next Nomi Malone!
(ALL look at LAURIE.)
LAURIE: (defensively) It was on VH1!
>
> Oh, and for the headsup,
DOUG: A buttsdown.
> it'll be a SongFic
TOM: (horrified) Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
SARAH: What?! What’s wrong?!
TOM: *That* is the single worst genre of story in existence! All you do is jam a sentence between lyrics you copied and pasted! Horrifying lemons written in text language have more imagination! (pants)
SARAH: Oh.
> with one of my
> favorite songs ever!
DOUG: “Ever hear of Frankie Yankovic?”
> Believe me, you will be surprised.
BRIAN: Tent bucks says it’s J-pop.
LAURIE: I say it’s hip-hop. (pauses) Where would we spend money here, anyway?
>
> Review Alert!
TOM: Quick, to the bomb shelter!
>
> Guardiangirl624: Thanks, I try.
DOUG: Just like Avis.
SARAH: Do or do not. There is no try.
> ;) LOL
>
> KandrakarPrincess: Hey Abby! Thanks.
>
> A.P.P.: Ah well, I never read the comics...
LAURIE: “Source material is for nerds!”
> only the books.
> Whatever. Lol. :)
DOUG: Get my gun.
BRIAN: You don’t have a gun.
>
> Signed,
>
> Hay Lin
TOM: Should I be glad she didn’t sign it ‘Cait Lin’ or said she thinks she’s Hay Lin?
BRIAN: Both.
>
> Author's Note:
LAURIE: “I’m baaaaaaack.”
> Okay, I know that chapter two came pretty quick.
SARAH: It didn’t leave enough breaking room and careened into chapters three through seven.
> I was just so excited, I had to write it.
TOM: When you’re just wedging stage directions in between pasted lyrics, it doesn’t take that much effort.
> It is more exciting
> than the first chapter,
BRIAN: Especially the part about the robot uprising.
> boy I just couldn't stop writing.
DOUG: “I had to be dragged away from my keyboard by five orderlies.”
> Please
> tell me if you like it or not,
LAURIE: Getting here is a pretty review in itself.
> but no flames.
SARAH: In other words, just say you like it.
>
> Summary: What happens when Cait Lin goes to the hottest club in
> HeatherField?
BRIAN: If you’ve ever seen ‘Carrie’, you’ll have some idea what happens.
> She dances the night away,
TOM: With her ritual pagan sun dance.
> meets a cute boy, and
> earns her popularity.
LAURIE: By breathing.
>
> Disclaimer: I do not own W.i.t.c.h. or any of it's contents, and
> I do not own Yeah! by Usher,
SARAH, TOM, & DOUG: No!
> AmericanIdiot by GreenDay,
SARAH, TOM, & DOUG: *No!*
BRIAN: Is there something wrong with the author’s spacebar?
LAURIE: No, she’s on the SpacesAreOptional committee.
> or T-
> Mobile
BRIAN: What, no histrionics for this one?
TOM: Not unless T-Mobile did those ‘where you at’ ads with the grannies using hip-hop slang.
> for that matter.I do own Cait Lin and Marco, though.
DOUG: But did you get them licensed and vaccinated?
>
> Strong Spirit
>
> By: CosmicGiraffe
>
> Chapter Two:
TOM: Guess what, guys?
(KIDS sigh.)
ALL: Electric Boogaloo.
>
> A Night at the Club
LAURIE: The club on the table that would be Exhibit A after Cait’s ‘accident’.
TOM: *You’re* the one that’s annoyed this early?
LAURIE: It can only get worse. I mean, what nightclub on Earth admits middle schoolers?
>
> Cait Lin was ready for the club.
SARAH: And now, our obligatory fashion review.
> She had on her favorite bright
> green mini-skirt,
DOUG: The one made from the old sofa cover.
> a spaghetti strap bright green top
BRIAN: And green shoes, green jewelry, green eyeshadow, and green lip gloss.
TOM: I guess all that green is the downside of using your power ring to make all of your clothes.
> and her
> hair was tied up in a high ponytail.
SARAH: She’ll die from a tension headache in an hour.
BRIAN: So high it got caught in the ceiling fan.
>
> Hay Lin walked into her room,
TOM: And tripped over the settee.
> seeing if she was ready to go yet.
DOUG: (Hay) “Oops, sorry. I didn’t realize you were still in your undies.”
SARAH: ‘Round my area, undies made acceptable club gear.
> She had on a bright blue mini-skirt with blue legwarmers and a
> blue halter top.
LAURIE: Do these people have the ‘Rainbow Brite’ one-color-per-person thing going on?
> She had her hair in two pigtails,
TOM: Dyed blue...
> and She also
> had blue goggles on her head.
DOUG: In case a squash game broke out.
>
> "Ready?" Hay asked. "Yup." Cait Lin said, smiling.
TOM: Man, it’s hardly started, and there’s already been half a dozen smiles or grins.
SARAH: Something in the water keeps everyone dim and happy.
> She grabbed
> her 'Going out' green purse
LAURIE: The one filled with rattlesnakes, to deter thieves.
> and followed Hay Lin down the
> stairs.
>
> "Bye Mom and Dad! We're going to go to ClubHeather!
BRIAN: (Hay) “Wanna take our last known photo for CNN?”
> We'll be
> back by 11!"
LAURIE: (Hay) “On Tuesday.”
> Hay called. Their dad popped out of the Silver
> Dragon kitchen.
TOM: (Dad, desperately) “Don’t leave me alone with your mother!”
> "Do you have your Cell on?" He asked.
SARAH: (Dad) “And do you have your tracking bracelets, and your tasers, and your force field, and your tiny robot pit bulls?”
> "Yup." Hay
> Lin smiled,
TOM: Seven.
> pulling out her T-Mobile.
BRIAN: Guess what kind of phone the author wants.
LAURIE: No, no, no. It’d have to have some fancy designer name like ‘Pinot Grigiot’ or ‘Typhoon’.
DOUG: (to SARAH) ‘Tiny robot pit bulls’?
SARAH: (to DOUG) Yeah. In her skivvies, for protection.
DOUG: (pause) Don’t ever hit me and call be a perv again.
>
> "Good." He said. "Have fun."
TOM: (Dad) “We’ll identify your bodies when you’re done.”
> With that, he returned to the
> kitchen.
BRIAN: (Dad) “Hey, honey, you done boiling that rat carcass yet?”
>
> As they walked out into the Fall night, Cait Lin felt the breeze
> across her face.
DOUG: That was someone who tried to slap her but missed.
> She smiled with satisfaction.
TOM: Eight.
> Tonight was the
> perfect night to go out.
LAURIE: And tomorrow would be a good day to regret it all.
>
> She noticed Hay Lin's four friends,
SARAH: Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe?
> Will, Irma, Taranee, and
> Cornelia,
SARAH: Oh, *them*.
> waiting for them outside the restaraunt.
LAURIE: And now, let’s go down to the red carpet and see what they’re wearing.
>
> Will had on a black halter top with her pink and gray jacket on
> over it.
DOUG: And no pants, apparently.
> Her hair was tied up in two high pigtails.
SARAH: Her hair’s so short she’d look like a mirrored Alfalfa.
>
> Irma had on a knee-length blue skirt with a matching top.
BRIAN: A knee-length top?
> She
> had her hair all curled up even more than it usually was.
TOM: Why, she even left the rollers in.
>
> Taranee had on a long ethnic orange long sleeved dress.
BRIAN: Because she’s the ethnic one, y’know.
> She had
> special beads in her hair.
SARAH: Indicating the number of new secret siblings she’s killed.
>
> Cornelia had a long purple skirt and pink halter top on.
DOUG: Are these women afraid of real tops, or do they think bras are too Puritanical?
TOM: Ugh... she modeled her outfit after the Gobbler’s décor.
> She had
> her hair in two french braids.
LAURIE: A baguette wedged into each one.
>
> The six began walking down the street.
TOM: First one to even *think* of the word ‘jailbait’ gets tossed off the ship.
> Cait Lin saw the bright
> lights
LAURIE: (Cait) “Hee-hee... shiny...”
> of what was none other than Club Heather.
SARAH: For some reason, they chose a pill falling into a cocktail for their neon sign logo.
>
> Suddenly a boy with brown hair with a hat on walked over to
> them.
BRIAN: (girls) “It’s the Heatherfield Flasher! Run!”
> "Oh hi Matt." Will blushed.
TOM: Loud blush.
> "Hey," He said. "What are you
> doing here?" she asked.
DOUG: (Matt, anxious) “What? Oh, nothing, nothing... This poor lady - who’s a *total stranger* - got lost and needed my help.”
> "Ah, just wanted to check this place out
> since
LAURIE: (Matt) “I saw it on the news. The special ‘cockroach cocktails’ report?”
> Cobalt Blue
DOUG: See? It’s just like the Flash - Cait will try to kill everyone any day now.
TOM: Don’t get your hopes up - that might be interesting.
> will be performing here tomorrow."
BRIAN: (Matt) “We need to see how much cover we’ll have from flying bottles.”
> He grinned.
TOM: Nine.
>
> "So, who's she?" He pointed to Cait Lin.
SARAH: (Matt) “And what the hell is wrong with her nose?”
> "She's my twin!" Hay
> Lin said excitedly. "Oh, I can see the likeness." He said
> looking at the two of them.
BRIAN: Why does no one ask the obvious question of *where she came from*?!
TOM: Because the author just doesn’t care.
>
> They all walked into the club and chose a table to sit at.
LAURIE: (girl) “This one by the bussing station looks nice.”
> "Ooo,
> that boy looks cute!" Cornelia said,
SARAH: (Cornelia) “He’s got, like, teeth and everything!”
> getting right up again to
> go and talk to a boy.
DOUG: Through her sock puppet - she’s shy.
> Irma rolled her eyes.
TOM: (Irma) “Guess who’s off on another lost weekend...”
> "I don't know about
> you guys," Hay Lin said, getting up.
BRIAN: (Hay) “You guys are weirding me out! I’m gonna go hang with those Hell’s Angels.”
> "But I'm going to dance."
> With that, she went to the
DOUG: Bar, to slam back shot after shot after shot of whiskey.
> dance floor and starting dancing to
> American Idiot by GreenDay.
LAURIE: So she was flailing around spastically?
>
> Cait Lin sighed and rolled her eyes
TOM: (Cait) “God, she is *such* a poseur.”
> with a giggle. Suddenly the
> song ended.
LAURIE: And everyone cheered the end of the crappy music.
> "Are you gals and dudes ready to PARTAY!" The D.J.
> yelled.
DOUG: He’s a veteran of the Pork Boy and Chicken Man morning show.
> "YEAH!" Everyone screamed, Hay Lin the loudest.
BRIAN: (person) “Let’s use the DJ as a piñata!”
(ALL cheer wildly.)
>
> "ALRIGHT THEN!" He yelled
SARAH: Here’s a man who’s been in a pop culture bubble since 1996.
> and with that, a new song started the
> play.
TOM: It put on a one-song rendition of “A Doll’s House”.
> Cait Lin gasped. This was her song!
LAURIE: (Cait) “Omigawd, ‘Brandy’?! It’s a wish come true!”
>
> Peace up!
TOM: By ten shares.
> A Town Down!
DOUG: At the bottom of a well.
>
> The music started playing and Cait Lin was drawn to the dance
> floor.
SARAH: (Cait, hypnotically) “Must... gyrate... against... strangers...”
>
> Yeah, Yeah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah,
> Yeaah
DOUG: I can see a lot of thought went into these lyrics.
>
> Cait Lin couldn't help it, she just started to dance.
LAURIE: The compulsion to do the Chicken Dance was just too strong to deny.
>
> I'm in the club with my homies,
BRIAN: The ones from the New Temperance League.
> tryna get a lil
SARAH: Tryna and Lil? Who are they?
> V-I,
TOM: Warshawski.
> keep it
> down on the low key, cause you know how it feels.
SARAH: C’mon, man, the movie wasn’t *that* bad.
> I said shorty she was checkin up on me,
LAURIE: (shorty) “You remember your scarf?”
DOUG: (singer) “Yes.”
LAURIE: “Your puffer?”
DOUG: “Yes.”
LAURIE: “Your Med-Alert bracelet?”
DOUG: “*Yes*.”
LAURIE: “Your flak jacket?”
DOUG: “YES!”
> from the game she was
> spittin my ear
BRIAN: Long-Distance Competitive Wet Willies, tonight on ESPN9.
> you would thank that she knew me.
SARAH: While she’d apologize profusely.
> So we decided to chill
TOM: Hang out in the walk-in fridge for the night...
>
> By then there was a crowd of people circling around Cait Lin.
TOM: Those aren’t people - those are land sharks!
> She didn't notice, she was too caught up in the song.
LAURIE: This is the sort of carelessness that would later kill her.
>
> Conversation got heavy,
DOUG: We began talking about egalitarian themes in Silver Age Legion of Super-Heroes stories.
> she had me feelin like she's ready to
> blow!
BRIAN: Her steam pressure gage was in the red, and excess steam was coming out of her ears.
>
> (Watch Out, Watch Out)
ALL: (various cries of, “What? What’s wrong? What?”)
> She saying come get me, come get me,
SARAH: Red Rover, Red Rover, send Usher right over... so I can shoot him.
> So I got up and followed her to the floor,
TOM: To check out the newest living room sets.
> she said baby lets
> go,
SARAH: And get away from this horrible non-music.
> When I told her I said
LAURIE: “Oodles of green noodles make blue poodles jump for strudels.”
>
> Yeah (yeah) Shorty got down and said come and get me
DOUG: And now, for our slower listeners, a summary of the song so far.
> Yeah (yeah)
> I got so caught up I forgot she told me
BRIAN: That I left the dryer on.
> Yeah (yeah) Her and my
> girl used to be the best of homies
TOM: But they wore the same dress to a wedding once, and it was downhill from there.
> Yeah (yeah) Next thing I knew
> she was all up on me screaming:
SARAH: Alright! She’s a Maenad! Rip his nuts off!
>
> Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah,
> Yeaah
DOUG: And like all rap songs, it deteriorates into too much information about societal taboos.
BRIAN: Wait, what?
DOUG: I’m just saying - last I checked, infidelity was frowned upon, not celebrated with a chorus taken from a down-low affair’s orgasm.
SARAH: I’d smack you, but you’re right.
(BRIAN shakes his head.)
>
> Cait Lin went low and came back up with ease.
LAURIE: She was the Limbo Queen.
> Then she did a few
> foot tricks,
BRIAN: Like holding a pen with her toes and writing her name.
> and did the Heeltoe.
SARAH: Where you pretend your toes are pinched in a cheap pair of high heels.
> She always loved to dance.
TOM: Everyone else around her thought it was pure torture.
LAURIE: Dancing?
TOM: *Her* dancing.
>
> She's all up in my head now,
BRIAN: “Eating my brain.”
SARAH: (muttered) Not much to eat...
> got me thinking that it might good
> idea to take her with me,
DOUG: If it’s to walk into traffic, then go for it.
> Cause she's ready to leave.
TOM: But not with you.
> Now I gotta keep it real now, cause on a one-to-ten she's a
> certified twenty,
LAURIE: Oh, going to eleven isn’t good enough anymore?
> and that just aint me.
BRIAN: “I heard it on Extra, too.”
>
> Suddenly, an African-American boy with curly dark brown hair and
> dark brown eyes came up.
DOUG: (boy) “Miss, are you having a seizure? You need an ambulance?”
> "Can I join in?" He smiled.
TOM: Ten.
> Cait Lin
> just smiled and nodded.
TOM: Eleven! Whoa, they’re really coming!
>
> Cause I don't know if I take that chance just where is it gonna
> lead,
SARAH: Hopefully, it’ll lead to beautiful downtown Camden, and all of this will be over soon.
> But what I do know is the way she dance makes shorty alright
> with me.
BRIAN: He’s a total sucker any girl who can do the Roger Rabbit.
> The way she getting low!
LAURIE: Spinning on the ground like Curly Howard.
> I'm like yeah, just work that out for
> me.
TOM: “And I’ll go wait for you in the car. Two towns away.”
> She asked for one more dance
DOUG: Just one more round of the Electric Slide.
> and I'm Like yeah, how the hell am
> I supposed to leave?
LAURIE: Through that door marked ‘Exit’.
SARAH: Preferably in a body bag.
> And I said
TOM: “Basset hounds gots long ears.”
>
> Yeah (yeah) Shorty got down and said come and get me
BRIAN: “I got your wallet! Tee-hee!”
> Yeah (yeah)
> I got so caught up I forgot she told me
DOUG: “Never put salt in your eyes.”
> Yeah (yeah) Her and my
> girl used to be the best of homies Yeah (yeah) Next thing I knew
> she was all up on me screaming:
SARAH: And we’re back to the tasteless Maury fodder again.
>
> Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah,
> Yeaah
LAURIE: (dismissively) Yeah, yeah, yeah...
TOM: I think this is that ‘bug music’ from “The Flintstones”.
>
> Cait Lin and the boy did the exact same moves.
DOUG: It’s that new dance crazy, the Harpo and Lucy.
> She loved how he
> caught on to her dancing.
BRIAN: He’s a magpie in a suit.
>
> Take that and rewind it back,
TOM: Or you’ll get a fee from the rental place.
> Lil' Jon got the beat
SARAH: Well, the monotonous pre-programmed keystroke.
TOM: With Will Scarlett on bass!
> make ya
> booty go (clap)
DOUG: Those are some serious talented butt cheeks.
> Take that and rewind it back, Ursher
(ALL laugh.)
SARAH: My God, the dude can’t even get his own damn name right!
> got the
> voice
TOM: As much as most modern rappers have a ‘voice’.
> make ya booty go (clap)
LAURIE: Uh... that’s not a clap.
> Take that and rewind it back,
DOUG: And repeat the same weak lyrics until you’re ready to kill yourself.
> Ludacris got the flow
BRIAN: He drank way too many Pils.
> make ya booty go (clap)
SARAH: This repetitive repetition is repeating repetitively too damn much.
> Take that and
> rewind it back, Lil' Jon got the beat make ya booty go (clap)
>
> Cait Lin loved clapping to this part.
LAURIE: Shame she kept missing and slapping herself in the face.
> She smiled.
TOM: Twelve.
>
> a let me see you do tha A town star a do the A town star
>
> Cait Lin followed everyone in doing the A Town star.
DOUG: The Hustle by any other name is still the Hustle.
>
> and do the muscle and do the muscle and do the muscle and do the
> muscle
BRIAN: And keep doing it and doing it until you go insane.
SARAH: Hey, I know this one. (deepened) “*This* is one *massive* man...”
DOUG: Stop it *now*.
>
> a thunderr clap
TOM: One hippopotamus, two hip-
> hey a thunderr clap
TOM: One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus, three hippopot-
> hey a thunderr clap
TOM: One hippopotamus, two hi-
LAURIE: Please stop.
> hey a
> thunderr clap hey
LAURIE: See? Storm’s over.
DOUG: ‘Thunder’ has one ‘R’ - *one*! God!
>
> and rock away rock away rock away rock away
SARAH: What would *you* know about rock, you hack?
>
> and CUT!
(ALL cheer.)
BRIAN: Wow, Tom, you’re right. Songfics really bite.
SARAH: And they bite twice as hard with rap music.
BRIAN: (to SARAH) What *is* it with you hating rap?!
SARAH: I don’t know - I guess I just like *real* music.
>
> Her and the boy broke out in laughter when the song was over.
TOM: (weakly) Ha, ha, ha, ha - stuff is fun!
> Everyone clapped.
DOUG: (audience) “You turned it off! Thank you!”
>
> "I never caught your name."
LAURIE: Was she hoping for a bank shot?
> She said, grinning.
TOM: Thirteen.
> "Marco." He
> said.
LAURIE: Polo!
BRIAN: (Marco) “Like in the disclaimer?”
> "And yours?" "Cait Lin." She replied.
LAURIE: (Cait) “I’m surprised the narrator let you forget it.”
>
> She walked back over to the table.
DOUG: And out of Marco’s life forever.
SARAH: Lucky Marco.
> "And who is that?" Will
> asked, grinning.
TOM: Fourteen.
> "Marco." Cait Lin said defensively.
LAURIE: (singing) I wasn’t jealous before we met, now every woman I see is a potential threat...
>
> "You rocked out there!"
SARAH: Stop misusing rock! You tone-deaf twits know *nothing* of rock!
> Hay Lin exclaimed, running up to the
> table.
BRIAN: And onto the table.
>
> Cait Lin just blushed. "Ah, I love dancing. I do it all the
> time." She said modestly.
LAURIE: (girl) “Well, you sucked.”
>
> "No, you really did do awesome."
DOUG: In a ‘Gong Show’ sort of way.
> Marco said with a grin.
TOM: Fifteen.
> Cait
> Lin grinned back.
TOM: Sixteen? Stop doing that!
> Ah, it was a crush at first sight.
BRIAN: Just like every other completely unsatisfying romance in this series.
> She
> couldn't help but blush.
SARAH: She must look like a boiled lobster by now.
>
> She heard Hay Lin say something to Irma,
DOUG: (Hay) “Let’s ditch ‘em and let ‘em embarrass themselves together.”
> "Wow, she's only been
> here for a day and she already has a crush!"
BRIAN: (Hay) “You sure she didn’t have any dreams about him or doodle anything? ‘Cuz this is getting silly.”
> Cait Lin blushed
> again and looked back at Marco.
TOM: (Marco) “Aah! A sun burnt baby!”
>
> She noticed he had on baggy blue Rocawear jeans, and a white
> tee.
LAURIE: Oh, good. I was afraid he’d be allowed to walk around without a fashion review.
>
> Suddenly she noticed he was looking at someone.
SARAH: Uh-oh... better break that habit and claw his eyes out.
> "YO!"
TOM: “Adrienne!”
> He
> exclaimed, walking over to a girl with curly brown hair.
LAURIE: Wow, she *must* be The Other Woman - she doesn’t warrant a fashion review.
> "AMY
> GET BACK HERE!"
DOUG: (Marco) “Did I *say* I was done ignoring you?!”
> He yelled as the girl laughed out loud
SARAH: (Amy) “Oh, how cute. He thinks he’s threatening me.”
> and ran
> to the other side of the club.
BRIAN: And now, our players reenact the aftermath of our musical selection.
>
> Cait Lin looked at Hay Lin and they both broke out in laughter.
LAURIE: (Hay, uproarious) “You almost fell for a two-timing slimeball! Bwahahahahaha!”
> Marco walked back with a cheesy grin.
TOM: Seventeen.
> "Sorry about that...
DOUG: (Marco) “You know how wives can be...”
> we
> were just playin'. We kinda fight a lot, even though we're
> friends."
TOM: (Marco) “Once she broke my arm with a bat, she was the first to sign the cast, so it’s cool.”
> He sweatdropped, and Cait Lin giggled again.
LAURIE: (Cait) “Hahahaha... they did stuff.”
>
> Good, she thought smiling,
TOM: Eighteen.
> that wasn't his girlfriend.
SARAH: Not since five minutes ago, thanks to Cait.
> She was
> about to get worried for a second.
BRIAN: She might have to waste her screen time pining for her designated love interest, and she how well that went for Taranee.
LAURIE: I’m pretty sure Cait will have more than enough screen time to spare.
>
> Hay Lin looked at her watch.
TOM: (Hay) “Oh, no! It’s a quarter to a freckle!”
> "Ah...It's 10:50! We better get
> going Cait,
DOUG: (Hay) “So we can catch the nightly news.”
> so Dad doesn't blow up on us!" She chuckled.
BRIAN: (Hay) “Last time I missed a curfew he spontaneously combusted, and I *never* want to clean *that* again!”
>
> "See ya around, Marco." She said, waving. "Wait," He took a pen
> out of his pocket and wrote something down on Cait's hand.
LAURIE: (Marco, writing) “You have spinach... in your teeth... and you can’t dance.”
> "That's my number...
SARAH: 867-5309.
> Call me." He smiled,
TOM: Nineteen.
> and walked away.
BRIAN: Never to be seen again.
>
> "He looks dreamy." Hay Lin chuckled. Cait Lin sighed playfully
> and nudged her.
LAURIE: (Cait) “Just remember, he’s mine and I’ll kill to keep him, okay?”
> The two walked out the club door and down the
> street to their house.
DOUG: Right next door to the combination brothel-meth lab.
>
> Cait Lin had just now realized how tired she really was.
SARAH: Yeah, flailing around and making a fool of yourself in public is exhausting.
> She
> changed slowly into her pajamas
TOM: (stripper music) Wah-wah-wah, wah wah-wah-wah...
> and then collapsed onto her bed,
BRIAN: Breaking the frame.
> instantly falling asleep.
BRIAN: After breaking the frame.
>
> Author's Note: There's Chapter Two for ya. Hope you likey!
SARAH: (half snarling) *No*!
> Please Read and Review!
DOUG: We’re going to be doing that for a while, so you don’t need to remind us.
> No flames though, because I don't like
> them.
LAURIE: “I’m a fragile porcelain flower.”
> :)Chapter Three should be up in a day or two. I'm getting
> excited already. :-D
TOM: “Why, the excitement’s made my nose grow by a foot!”
>
> Next on Strong Spirit:
BRIAN: Cait’s sinister secret revealed!
LAURIE: I wish. That might be interesting.
>
> Cait Lin has a weird dream
>
> Hay Lin and Cait Lin are woken up by a scary noise.
SARAH: Alright, who forgot to jiggle the handle?
>
> There is a thunderstorm
TOM: What, another? Do they live in
Tornado Alley?
> and the power goes out.
DOUG: They might have to... *read*.
(ALL scream in horror.)
>
> And it turns out to be the scariest night of their lives.
TOM: I get the feeling this’ll be a rehash of ‘Hobgoblins’. If that happens, *I’m* leaving.
>
> Signed,
>
> Hay Lin
>
> Author's Note:I'm moving pretty fast through this story, aren't
> I?
LAURIE: Well, you’re the only one.
SARAH: It’s like slogging through a bog made of sticky cake batter that’s gone rancid.
> Lol. Anyway, here is the third chapter for ya.
BRIAN: (Movie Brooklyn) “Read it and weep, ya mooks.”
> I just had to
> write this chapter.
SARAH: “Or else the worms would take over my brain again.”
> Another short one, but I couldn't help
> it...I couldn't think of anything else to write.
DOUG: No, no, no, that’s okay. Don’t strain yourself or pad it out for our sakes. We like short!
>
> Summary: The two twins find out that they're house
BRIAN: They’re made of houses?
> is being
> haunted by an unknown ghost.
TOM: The ghost of the zombie phantom bear from Mars.
> Boy is this gonna be a scary night.
SARAH: Luckily, Cait grew up in Greystone and knows how to handle a few ghosts.
>
> Disclaimer: I do not own W.i.t.c.h., or any of it's contents.
LAURIE: “Except the staples. They’re *allllllllllll* mine.”
>
> Strong Spirit
>
> By: Hay Lin
>
> Chapter Three:
>
> Haunted
BRIAN: Big deal - call the Ghostbusters.
DOUG: Movie Ghostbusters or Filmation Ghostbuters?
BRIAN: Hmm... if we’re talking the Filmation *cartoon*, then either one.
>
> She was flying through the air.
TOM: With the greatest of ease, hung by her teeth on the flying trapeze.
> She felt the wind blow across
> her face as she glided down right above the ocean.
LAURIE: She’s turned into a seagull.
SARAH: (holding up her hand) Hey, cutie, want a Mentos?
>
> Suddenly she was in a fantasy-like place
DOUG: (who else but Cait) “Wheeee, I’m in Disney World!”
> with towers reaching
> high into the sky.
BRIAN: Uh... that’s a reflection.
TOM: She’s flown into the Thames logo.
> "You are ready, young one."
SARAH: “Ready to polish my silverware.”
> A voice said
> above her. Cait Lin looked around but couldn't find the body of
> the voice.
LAURIE: Are we, like, the only people who’ve heard of telepathy?
TOM: Depends on your fictional point of origin.
>
> Suddenly she heard a scream and she was in a dark cave.
DOUG: Standing between a mother grizzly and her cub.
> "We want
> you..."
BRIAN: “To cook breakfast. And make sure the bacon’s crunchy!”
> A voice hissed.
LAURIE: So it’s a talking cat?
> This time it was Cait Lin screaming.
SARAH: (Cait) “I’m allergic to cat hair!”
>
> Cait Lin woke up, her forehead soaking in sweat.
BRIAN: And her mattress soaking in something else.
SARAH: Eww!
> She gave a
> sigh.
DOUG: (Cait) “Damn. Still alive.”
> It was only a dream...
TOM: Her husband’s death, her sister being abducted by aliens, the whole past season...
> With that, she slowly slipped under
> the covers,
LAURIE: Yeah, you usually sleep better when you don’t lounge on top of them.
> and fell asleep, until something woke her up.
DOUG: The neighbors’ music - *again*.
>
> There was a creaking noise.
SARAH: That’s just Grandma yawning.
> Cait Lin gasped and jumped out of
> bed.
BRIAN: And hit her head on the ceiling.
> She went down the hallway trying to find the noise.
TOM: But some jerk running a chainsaw kept drowning it out.
> She was
> cold in her silk baby blue pajama pants and white tank top.
LAURIE: Good to know that, even in a time of uncertainty, we will know what Cait’s wearing.
BRIAN: Not the best sleepwear for the middle of winter...
>
> She tied her hair up in a ponytail.
DOUG: That way, the psycho killer would have something to grab.
> She still couldn't find the
> noise.
SARAH: Maybe she should tweak the settings on her hearing aid...
LAURIE: Must be a cricket - they’re great at pulling that trick.
> Suddenly she there was a flash of lightnight.
(ALL laugh.)
DOUG: That *would* be a good superhero name, though.
> "Ah!" Cait
> Lin jumped. Suddenly the power went out.
LAURIE: ‘Cuz it was light out and all.
BRIAN: Leaving it on is just plain wasteful.
>
> Cait Lin walked through the hallway trying to find her way
> through the dark.
TOM: On average, it took her eyes three days to adjust to lighting changes.
> Suddenly she bumped into something...or
> someone. She screamed. But then she sighed with relief.
SARAH: (Cait) “Oh, good. It’s just Leatherface.”
>
> It was only Hay Lin.
>
> "Did you hear the noises, too?" Cait Lin asked. "Yeah," Hay Lin
> said.
DOUG: (Hay) “It’s just Dad. He ate too many wings again...”
> There was a flash of lightning that gave Cait Lin enough
> of a chance to see Hay Lin in pink shorts and a pink tank top.
LAURIE: My God, even the forces of nature conspire to show what they’re all wearing.
> She also had her hair in braids.
BRIAN: And was carrying her lucky accordion.
> Behind Hay Lin she saw
> something else.
LAURIE: It was wearing a yellow jumpsuit and carrying a baseball bat. It also had a hair band in its blonde hair.
>
> There was a ghost-like figure creeping across the wall!
SARAH: Spider-Man tries out his new camouflage suit.
> The
> place went dark again.
TOM: Man, that was a really long flash of lightning.
>
> "Come on," Hay Lin said. "Let's go downstairs to get something
> to eat while the thunderstorm goes on."
DOUG: (Hay) “That way, we’ll be slow, sluggish, and easier to kill.”
> The two tip-toed into
> the kitchen.
BRIAN: Hey, they’re playing Don’t Wake Daddy!
> Cait Lin had a candy bar while Hay Lin had some
> milk and cookies.
LAURIE: Nothing calms your nerves like a late night sugar rush.
>
> "I wonder what that was."
BRIAN: Thunder. Duh.
> Cait Lin said, taking a bite of the
> milk chocolate.
SARAH: Her tender tummy can’t handle *real* chocolate.
> "I don't know. I hear that noise everyone
> thunderstorm."
BRIAN: Because it’s *thunder*! Geez!
> Hay Lin said, taking a drink of milk.
DOUG: “Man, you two are morons,” Doug said, wordlessly gulping down half a bottle of gin.
>
> Suddenly there was another squeaky noise, coming from the...
LAURIE: Hamster cage.
>
> "BASEMENT!" The two said, jumping up.
TOM: Man, Shaggy and Scooby are gutsier than these two!
>
> The two ran down the stairs, being too excited to be afraid.
SARAH: You mean ‘idiotic’.
BRIAN: That’s it, girls - race towards the danger.
>
> When they got to the bottom, they looked deep into the pitch
> black room.
DOUG: They hadn’t cleaned it since the oil tank exploded.
> Cait Lin's eyes widened and for once she was scared.
LAURIE: If it’s because she saw a mouse, I’m leaving.
>
> They slowly creeped into the darkness just staring at the
> darkness.
TOM: Did we mention it was dark? ‘Cuz it really, really was.
> Suddenly something showed up.
SARAH: Dad with a flashlight.
BRIAN: (Dad) “What the hell are you two doing down there?!”
> It was a bright white
> haze against the wall...
DOUG: Portal to Hell - big deal.
> it looked like a girl. She had no feet,
> though, and her eyes were all white.
LAURIE: What, the ghost doesn’t get wardrobe?
SARAH: (ghost) “Hey, do you guys know where the bathroom is? I’ve been stuck here looking for it all night...”
>
> Hay Lin and Cait Lin both screamed and ran upstairs.
SARAH: (ghost) “Fine. *Don’t* tell me. This restaurant *sucks*.”
> They
> slammed the basement door behind them and gasped for breath.
BRIAN: And then keeled over from panic-induced heart attacks.
>
> "Close one," Hay Lin breathed. Suddenly they both felt chills go
> down their spine. Cait Lin knew that only meant one thing,
TOM: Someone turned down the thermostat again.
> A
> ghost had just passed through them!
LAURIE: And didn’t even say ‘excuse me’ - hmph!
>
> The ghost was right in front of them now.
SARAH: (ghost) “Can you at least tell me where the exit is, so I can find a public restroom?”
> "RUN!" Hay Lin
> screamed,
SARAH: (ghost) “Oh, for the love of God...”
> running up the stairs to their rooms.
DOUG: Man, there’s marathon runners that can’t do that without getting winded - you’re talking three or four flights of stairs.
> "THE CLOSET!"
> Hay Lin exclaimed,
LAURIE: (Hay) “Surely, the ghost that could walk right through us won’t get past this plywood door!”
> opening the door to a small closet. The two
> jumped inside.
BRIAN: And now, a twenty-part song series about what they saw while hiding.
>
> "Did the ghost even follow us?"
TOM: (Cait) “Or did our super-speed save us?”
> Cait Lin whispered. Suddenly the
> door opened by itself. "I guess so." Hay Lin said, scared.
LAURIE: Nah, that’s because Dad never fixed the doorknob.
>
> Suddenly a knife was headed right towards Cait Lin.
SARAH: (ghost) “Tell me where the freakin’ bathroom is, or I’ll stab the author avatar! I am *not* fooling!”
>
> "NO!" Hay Lin screamed jumping in front of Cait Lin.
BRIAN: Look familiar, Ramsey?
DOUG: (bitterly) At least *I* didn’t die singing along to Prince songs on a bus.
BRIAN: No, you were shot by a drooling vagrant in a skin.
(DOUG grumbles.)
> She held
> her hands out and a big gust of wind blew the knife in the
> opposite direction.
TOM: (Hay) “Oops. Sorry, Dad.”
> Suddenly there was a hissing sound and the
> ghost was gone.
SARAH: She just couldn’t hold it anymore and left in embarrassment.
>
> The power flickered back on. The two girls sighed with relief.
LAURIE: Thankfully, all that was left now was Michael Myers and the zombie army. *Much* easier to handle than a ghost.
>
> "Care to excplain any of this to me?" Cait Lin asked, crossing
> her arms.
TOM: (Hay) “That’s dead aunt Mabel. She thought twins were evil and had a heart attack trying to smother you. You’ll get used to her.”
> "Okay," Hay Lin sighed. "Come to my room."
BRIAN: (Hay) “I keep a database of all ghostly activity in town on my computer.”
>
> With that, as Cait Lin sat cross-legged on Hay Lin's bed,
DOUG: Hay read every version of Cinderella documented by literary historians.
LAURIE: (Cait) “Wait, so the tree was her dead mom?”
> Hay
> lunged into the whole Guardian story.
BRIAN: (Hay) “Here’s the first four years’ worth of stories. The Ari story and the Endarno stuff? We like to pretend that never happened. Except for Orube.”
DOUG: For obvious reasons. Rowr.
> "Wow," Cait Lin said,
> going wide-eyed.
LAURIE: (Cait) “The colors are so *bright*!”
>
> "Do you believe me?" Hay Lin asked.
SARAH: (Cait, laughing) “Not at all, you fruit loop.”
> "Of course," Cait Lin said.
> "And about the ghost?"
TOM: Just set out some Ghost Chow in a trap and wait.
> "I dunno." Hay Lin said, shrugging.
BRIAN: (Hay) “It won’t come up again, unless the author gets bored.”
>
> "Well, I guess I better be getting to bed now. See ya tomorrow
> morning." Cait Lin said, walking out the door.
DOUG: And running as fast as she could, then barricading the door with her dresser.
>
> Once she was in her own room she closed the door and went to her
> bed.
LAURIE: But did she change her pajamas? We need to know!
> Suddenly she could have sworn she saw the ghost outside of
> her window.
SARAH: (ghost) “Uh, I couldn’t find the bathroom, so I used your bed. Goodnight!”
>
> Cait Lin gasped.
BRIAN: (Cait) “She’s *mooning* me!”
>
> Then she looked down at her hands.
TOM: Yep - still attached.
> "Should I tell them?" She
> asked herself.
DOUG: Oh, I get it now. The ghost is the third sister that Cait killed.
> After hearing the story of them being guardians,
> Cait Lin decided to tell
LAURIE: Every tabloid that would listen.
> them tomorrow.
>
> Author's Note: Sorry it's so short.
DOUG: Stop apologizing. We *like* the brevity.
> The ghost is just kinda of
> an added thing.
BRIAN: Oh, but it seemed so carefully planned and had such a deep backstory...
> There won't be a whole story about it.
LAURIE: Because a ghost story might actually be interesting.
> But it
> will appear a few times later on.
TOM: For a series of delightful walk-ons.
> Just so ya know. :) Next
> chapter will be longer, so don't worry.
DOUG: Oh, no...
> The next chapter should
> be posted either tomorrow or Monday. I know it's a Cliffhanger.
> Live with it.
SARAH: Yeah, the suspense is just *agonizing*.
>
> Next on Strong Spirit:
>
> It's Cait Lin's first day of school at Sheffield Institute.
BRIAN: As advertised on every ad break on G4 during the day.
LAURIE: She’s learning to make her own TurboGrafix games!
>
> She becomes popular.
TOM: All together now...
ALL: Oh, of *course*!
>
> Is in almost all of Marco's classes.
LAURIE: Thus requiring him to get that restraining order.
>
> And tells the Guardians the secret she was dying to tell them.
DOUG: About her vestigial tail.
>
> Signed,
>
> Hay Lin
>
> Author's Note: Three days and I already finishedfour
> chapters...I just can't stop!
SARAH: Skipping spaces save a lot of time, huh?
> Aiee. lol.
TOM: Okay, it’s confirmed - the author is completely, hopelessly insane from sleep deprivation.
> Anyway, here it is, the
> fourth chapter. Enjoy. :-D
>
> Summary: It's Cait Lin's first day of school.
BRIAN: Ever, in her entire life.
> She livens up Math
> class
SARAH: By hiding all of the teacher’s dry erase markers.
> and tells the Gaurdians her secret.
LAURIE: I see we also skipping running a spell check in our frenzy to update.
> An exciting day don't
> ya think?
DOUG: Actually, an exciting day would be winning the lottery and having a beer truck lose its contents in your front yard without the driver noticing.
>
> Disclaimer: I do not own W.i.t.c.h., or any of it's contents. I
> also do not own Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson either.
TOM: Damn, we’re back to the songfic.
>
> Strong Spirit
>
> By: Hay Lin
>
> Chapter Four:
>
> First Day at School
BRIAN: These are refreshingly literal chapter titles.
>
> Cait Lin was just about ready for her first day of school.
LAURIE: First, she had to give everyone a quick review of what she was wearing.
> She
> had on her favorite green alien T-shirt, and Baby Phat jeans.
> Her hair was tied up in two pigtails.
LAURIE: There. Now we’re ready to go.
>
> She walked to Hay Lin's room. "Ready for school?" She asked,
> slinging her purple backpack over her shoulder. "Just about."
DOUG: (Hay) “I just have to put on my cow-skull hat.”
>
> When Hay Lin opened the door, she had on a pink Roxy shirt and a
> pink miniskirt with matching legwarmers. She had pink goggles on
> her head and her hair was down.
LAURIE: Oh, she has to give *her* review, too.
SARAH: What is with these designer names? Is it just because I don’t care?
>
> The two walked downstairs and each grabbed a Poptart.
TOM: (Dad) “Uh, girls? Those were moldy... girls?”
> They ate
> in in ten seconds as they walked out the door.
BRIAN: And immediately puked them back up in the shrubs.
>
> Hay Lin took out her iPod
SARAH: (Hay) “Time to ignore this leech and hope it falls off.”
> and began jamming to an Alicia Keys
> song as they walked to school.
LAURIE: Cait led total strangers in laughing at Hay’s attempts at dancing.
> Cait Lin just pulled out her cell
> phone and
DOUG: Called the local mental hospital.
> Instant Messaged some people as they walked.
SARAH: I’m really, *really* hoping this plays out like that British PSA with the videophone and speeding car.
>
> Finally they got there
BRIAN: Two blocks is *such* a hike.
> and walked into the school.
TOM: Both were immediately doused with pig blood.
> Luckily Cait
> Lin had her first class with Hay Lin.
LAURIE: (Hay) “What?! Gimme that schedule... Dammit, it’s right.”
>
> It was Math. The class had just sat there for a while in silence
DOUG: It’s math for students with dyscalculia.
> while they waited for their teacher to come.
>
> Suddenly the principal, Mrs. Knickerbocker, walked in. "We are
> still trying to find a substitute.
TOM: (Principal) “We have lots of new candidates, but we can’t use them because none of them have the minimum required decade of full-time teaching experience.”
> Please be good and do Math
> work on page 50."
BRIAN: (Principal) “You know, the work with the numbers and stuff.”
> With that, she left.
>
> Cait Lin looked around.
DOUG: (Cait) “Um... I don’t have a notebook. Can I just write on my desk?”
> The class was actually doing the work!
> She needed to liven this place up. She didn't wanna do work if
> there was no teacher there.
SARAH: (seething sigh) Look, you guys know that I took my class work very seriously.
BRIAN: A bit too seriously, but yeah.
SARAH: So you can imagine that this... *outlook* is pushing me into dangerously angry waters.
LAURIE: Sarah, this story is written by someone who doesn’t even know that math classes are specialized as of junior high and feels the need to dress all of her characters in fashion lines loosely associated with Top 40 hip-hop. You honestly expect there to be some sense of real, grown-up responsibility towards something as non-stupid as school?
SARAH: (sighs angrily) I know, I know...
>
> She took a CD out of her case from her backback
BRIAN: At any given time, Cait had a gross of CDs ready to play.
> and stuck it in
> the class CD Player which was used for listening to Math tapes
> usually.
TOM: (tape) “Today’s lesson is counting to ten. One... two... three... four...”
>
> Miss independent
>
> The music started playing
DOUG: But, wait, the lyrics already started. How could they start before the CD?
BRIAN: It’s the instrumentals...
>
> Miss self-sufficient Miss keep your distance, mmmm
SARAH: Please, miss, keep your distance. This is a crime scene.
>
> Miss unafraid Miss out of my way
TOM: Miss playing chicken with a train for fun.
> Miss don't let a man interfere,
> no
LAURIE: It’s called a chick fight for a reason.
>
> Cait Lin started dancing, and Hay Lin soon jumped up to join.
DOUG: Twins or lemmings? You make the call.
SARAH: I’d love to see a film crew shoo them off a cliff. (pause) To, y’know, test your theory.
>
> Miss on her own
BRIAN: She doesn’t need distractions to have a bad aim.
> Miss almost grown Miss never let a man help her
> off her throne
LAURIE: So independence bad, clinging remora-like to a man good.
SARAH: Just like most of pop culture for us, yeah.
>
> So, by keeping her heart protected
DOUG: Taking a Bayer every day...
> She'll never, ever feel
> rejected
TOM: Or die of a coronary.
> Little miss apprehensive Said ooh, she fell in love
LAURIE: Watch it - soon she’ll be Miss killed off to give her boyfriend some character development.
>
> What is this feeling taking over?
DOUG: Probably nausea.
> Thinking no one could open the
> door
SARAH: Why? There isn’t even a lock.
> Surprise, it's time,
BRIAN: For your birthday! Whoo!
> to feel what's real
TOM: Grope every leather glove in the store and see which ones are real or pleather.
> What happened to
> miss independent's no longer need to be defensive?
DOUG: Run that one by again in English, please.
> Goodbye, old
> you,
SARAH: Hello, new Stepford you.
> when love, is true
LAURIE: For about a week.
>
> By now the whole class was up and dancing.
TOM: Each person wanted to slam dance with Cait, sometimes two or three at a time.
> Everyone was out of
> the Math class stage.
DOUG: They’d beaten the boss and gotten to the History class stage.
> They were just having fun.
BRIAN: The wave of in-school suspensions would change that.
>
> Misguided heart Miss play it smart
SARAH: Get one monopoly and built it up, not buy every little thing you land on.
> Miss if you wanna use that
> line,
LAURIE: You’ll need a FastPass.
> you better not start, no
LAURIE: I mean it, you’ll need a FastPass. No exceptions.
>
> But she miscalculated
DOUG: She’d get audited for the $5,000 discrepancy.
> She didn't wanna end up jaded And this
> miss decided not to miss out on true love
TOM: That sounds like a sure-fire recipe for ending up jaded to me.
>
> So, by changing a misconception
SARAH: Namely, that she was only into sheep.
> She went in a new direction
BRIAN: For the first time in my life - east!
> And
> found inside, she felt a connection She fell in love
>
> Even Martin was up and dancing.
DOUG: Yeah, because dorky smart guys don’t, like, attend dance classes or anything.
LAURIE: But you did classical styles. That’s not *club* enough.
> Marco smiled
TOM: Oh, it’s back! Twenty.
> and he fell into
> place right next to Cait Lin and the whole class did the same.
SARAH: Man, where’s that film crew and cliffside when you need them? All you’d have to do at this point is shoo Cait over, and we’d be free of an entire class of idiots in no time.
> By now the whole class had a dance routine
TOM: I think we found the lost pilot to ‘Boston Public’, before the ‘Cop Rock’ fiasco made them change it.
BRIAN: No, this is actually the first step for Cait’s plan to take over the world with dance routines.
>
> What is this feeling taking over?
DOUG: It’s no big deal. You’re just turning into a werewolf.
> Thinking no one could open the
> door Surprise, it's time,
BRIAN: To reenact that Stephen Lynch song about him and his dad.
> to feel what's real What happened to
> miss independent's no longer need to be defensive? Goodbye, old
> you, when love, is true (when love, is true)
LAURIE: In just under a month, old you is welcomed back.
>
> When miss independent walked away
SARAH: From her dinner bill...
> No time for love that came her
> way
TOM: After all, who needs an education, a career, friendships...
> She looked in the mirror and thought today
DOUG: “I should brush my teeth - it’s been a month.”
> What happened to
> miss no longer afraid? It took some time for her to see
BRIAN: Because she kept forgetting to wear her glasses.
> How
> beautiful love could truly be No more talk of why can't that be
> me
LAURIE: It’s your clone. It might be up for debate, though.
> I'm so glad I've finally seen
TOM: That UFO - now I *know* I’m not crazy.
>
> What is this feeling taking over?
SARAH: Choruses in text are really monotonous.
> Thinking no one could open the
> door Surprise, it's time,
BRIAN: To wrap this up - please?
>
to feel what's real What happened to
> miss independent's no longer need to be defensive? Goodbye, old
> you, when love, is true (when love, is true)
>
> Miss independent
DOUG: I guess song lyrics have to begin and end with the title, like in a spelling bee.
>
> Everyone jumped at the end.
SARAH: Off the cliff? At last?
> The whole class was giggling and
> talking now.
TOM: Now, if this were anything even faintly close to reality, the principal would charge in like a conquering general.
> Finally, Cait Lin thought, this place is livened up
> a bit.
BRIAN: But it’s still sorely lacking in exotic dancers, so that’s next on the agenda.
>
> Marco walked up to Cait Lin.
LAURIE: (Marco) “Hi, remember me? I’m your designated love interest.”
> "Glad you made this Math class a
> lot more fun."
DOUG: (Marco) “Even though we’ll all probably flunk now.”
> He smiled.
TOM: Twenty-one.
> "And I like your jeans." She blushed
> slightly. "Your jeans are awesome too."
SARAH: (Cait) “Even though they aren’t a brand name like *mine*.”
> She smiled.
TOM: Twenty-two.
>
> Finally the bell rang
SARAH: Wait, they have classes that are only fifteen minutes long? No wonder the principal doesn’t care if they blow it off!
> and everyone gathered their things and
> walked out of the class.
LAURIE: Feeling profoundly confused and embarrassed.
>
> Everyone was complimenting Cait Lin.
TOM: And again.
ALL: Oh, of *course*.
> "Thanks for making Math
> class actually fun!" One girl with short blonde hair said.
BRIAN: (Cait) “You’re welcome, Barbie.”
> "No
> prob." was all Cait Lin could say to them all.
DOUG: Obviously, they didn’t know it was one of her God-given gifts, so she didn’t need to be modest.
>
> After three more classes,
LAURIE: But hopefully not three more chorus lines.
> it was finally lunch time. Right when
> Cait Lin loaded her tray up with food,
BRIAN: Twenty-eight packs of peanut butter cheese crackers.
> she went outside to where
> Hay Lin and her friends were eating.
SARAH: (girl) “You guys have that pit barbeque and heavy shovel ready?”
>
> "Hi!" They all said together. "Hey guys. Listen, I have to tell
> you something." She said, sitting down next to her twin.
TOM: (Cait) “Anyone who associates with me is suspended, okay? So, what’s up?”
>
> "What?" Will asked, taking a bite of her apple.
LAURIE: Oh, now we’re promoting healthy foods, instead of chocolate at midnight?
>
> Cait Lin swollowed.
DOUG: She’s swollen and hollow - gotcha.
SARAH: Swollen ego, hollow cranium.
> "Here, let me show you." She closed her eyes
> and focused, hard.
BRIAN: (Cait) “Make them all love me, make them worship me, make them retitle the series ‘Cait Lin and W.I.T.C.H.’...”
> When she opened her eyes, they were bright
> purple.
TOM: She’s possessed! Get the holy water!
> She raised her hand up, and a purple aurora floated
> around her glass of water,
LAURIE: Giving it a delicious grape flavor.
> and the liquid slowly started to rise
> up.
>
> She floated it up a little ways and then set it back down in the
> glass.
TOM: Okay, ten bucks says that she can copy all of the others’ powers.
DOUG: Nah. Look at the title. It says ‘Spirit’, so she’ll probably have pseudo-psychic powers.
TOM: You’re on!
LAURIE: Seriously, where are we gonna spend any money here?
>
> "Whoa." They all breathed.
SARAH: Keanu-itis is highly contagious.
> "Wait, I'm not finished." Cait Lin
> said.
TOM: (Cait) “For my next trick, I’ll need somebody’s watch.”
> A light purple aurora floated around her and she slowly
> floated up from her seat.
BRIAN: That’s not magic - that’s her trained flatulence.
> She closed her eyes and she levitated
> back down to the ground.
DOUG: If she had a bit more room, she could’ve pulled off Yoga Fire, too.
>
> "Whoa." They all breathed again.
SARAH: Quit doing that! We *don’t* want Keanu-itis!
> "What could this mean?" Irma
> asked, looking for answers from her friends.
>
> "I have no idea." They all said. "Thanks alot." Irma said
> sarcastically.
BRIAN: And now we see why Irma is ‘the funny one’.
>
> "Hm...maybe you guys wanna have a sleepover? Then we could have
> time to talk about it."
LAURIE: Between Tetris games and séances.
> Hay Lin said, taking a bite out of her
> hamburger.
SARAH: (Hay, mouth full) “Mmm... rare *and* cold... good.”
>
> "Sure." They all said.
>
> "Good," Hay Lin said. "Then come over Friday around 6."
DOUG: (girl) “Wait, I’m busy that night.”
> Suddenly
> the bell rang.
DOUG: (girl) “Bell? Steak!”
>
> "Agh, boring school again."
BRIAN: (Cait) “Better get out more music and lock out all of the teachers.”
> They all sighed and walked into the
> school, Cait Lin going to Science class,
TOM: Where she’ll perform an interpretive dance under the fume hood to a song by Nellie.
> and the rest going to
> English.
LAURIE: (girl) “Thank God she’s not with us - we might actually *learn* something now.”
>
> When Cait Lin sat down, she noticed something.
DOUG: The teacher had drawn a dissection chart on the board - of her!
> Marco was in this
> class, too!
BRIAN: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - suspiiiiiiicious...
> He was in almost all of her classes, except for
> Spanish class.
TOM: That Cait-free class quickly became his favorite.
>
> Cait Lin smiled to herself.
TOM: Twenty-three.
> She couldn't wait for Friday to
> come.
SARAH: New ‘Stargate’.
BRIAN: Didn’t they cancel that?
SARAH: Not in my happy little time warp.
>
> Author's Note: There's the fourth chapter.
DOUG: What, nothing about the length?
> Now, it's possible
> that the next chapter will come today, but there might not be as
> many during the week since I have boring school.
SARAH: Man, this just sums up the main problem with the last chapter in a single sentence. Not even the full sentence.
> Well, g'day
> until next time, mate. :-D
LAURIE: Idaho, sweetie. You’re from Idaho.
>
> Next on Strong Spirit:
BRIAN: More stuff to wantonly piss off Sarah.
SARAH: You’re probably right.
>
> The girls have a sleepover-
DOUG: Sleepover dash *what*? Cookout? Drinking contest?
>
> They talk about Cait Lin's problem
LAURIE: Of being so darned likable. (pause) And yes, I’m joking.
>
> The ghost is seen again
SARAH: Still desperately searching for a restroom.
>
> And Cait Lin has another weird dream
TOM: Given the range of imagination shown so far, I’d say it’s just eating pizza with meatballs instead of pepperoni.
>
> Signed,
>
> Hay Lin
>
> Disclaimer: I do not own W.i.t.c.h., or Who's That Girl by
> Hilary Duff.
TOM: Argh...
SARAH: Look on the bright side - at least we’re being warned about the crappy soundtrack.
>
> ________________________________________
>
> Strong Spirit
>
> By: HayLinAir
>
> Chapter Five:
> Return of the Ghost
>
> Cait Lin looked at the 5 people around her.
BRIAN: This just in - a team of Power Rangers has been called in to help Cait Lin off the set.
(ALL cheer.)
> It was Friday night
> -
LAURIE: TGIF’s on! Yay!
> the day of the sleepover, and everyone had now arrived.
DOUG: And instantly regretted it once they saw the piles of old newspapers all over the house.
>
> After having a chinese dinner
BRIAN: Twelve courses, all seafood.
> and watching a movie,
TOM: ‘High School Musical 4: The Twenty-Five Year Reunion’.
DOUG: Not since ‘The Producers’ on Broadway have I seen such a glorious walker kickline.
> the girls
> had finally grouped in a circle to talk.
LAURIE: But first, what they’re wearing.
>
> Will had on pink striped pajamas. She had frog slippers on and
> she had frog elastics in her hair.
SARAH: That’s not Will - that’s Miss Piggy.
>
> Cornelia had on a long silk blue nightgown, and she had her hair
> in a ponytail.
LAURIE: And everyone could tell she wasn’t wearing underwear thanks to the thin fake silk.
>
> Taranee had on red pajamas with little triangles on them and a
> matching pajama hat.
BRIAN: If it’s over foam curlers, I’m gonna punch someone.
>
> Irma had on blue pajama pants and a huge blue T-shirt on. She
> had her hair in two pigtails.
DOUG: So do you two style your hair before bed?
SARAH: Oh, yeah. I can’t sleep without the smell of hair gel.
LAURIE: And I *need* my late-night perm.
>
> "So, what could this mean?" Hay Lin asked, looking around at her
> friends.
TOM: I think it means that Hay doesn’t throw a very good party.
> "I think it's time to visit the oracle."
DOUG: The talking trash heap?
SARAH: That’s ‘Fraggle Rock’.
DOUG: Oh.
> Will said,
> holding out her palm.
LAURIE: (Will) “Okay, everyone’s gotta chip in for gas money. That means you, too, Cait.”
> The Heart of Candracar burst from it and
> floated to the middle of the room.
BRIAN: Hovering over a box of half-rotted issues of ‘Look’.
>
> Cait Lin looked at it.
LAURIE: (Cait, dimly) “Oooooooh... shiny!”
> She remembered it from before...in a
> dream.
TOM: So is she destined to fall in love with it, like Cornelia did with Caleb?
BRIAN: Don’t even *joke*, man. Ugh.
> "We wish the speak with the Oracle of Candracar."
DOUG: *Beep!* (singing to the tune of ‘Greatest American Hero’) “Believe it or not, the Oracle’s out, so leave a message after the bee-ee-eep...”
> She
> said, and everyone closed her eyes.
SARAH: Will needs help closing her eyes?
> Suddenly it didn't feel like
> they were in Hay Lin's room anymore.
BRIAN: They felt like they were in the Santo Gold commercial.
>
> They were in a castle like room filled with whiteness
TOM: Oh my God! It’s so majestic!
> and
> someone floating in the middle of the room.
LAURIE: On a rubber ducky inner tube.
> From my dream, Cait
> Lin thought.
TOM: Oh, so she’s gonna fall in love with the floaty guy.
BRIAN: If that happens, I swear, one of you *has* to kill me.
SARAH: Can do!
>
> "Hello Guardians." He said as the six walked up.
DOUG: (Oracle) “I saved some jalapeno and artichoke dip for you!”
> "I see that you
> have finally found the sixth guardian."
SARAH: (Oracle) “We managed to get this far without a vaguely powerful hanger-on, but given our format, it was really inevitable.”
>
> "THE SIXTH GUARDIAN!" The six said. "Yes," He said.
BRIAN: (Oracle) “Are you all mockingbirds now?”
> "The
> Guardian of Gravity."
LAURIE: (Oracle) “Notice how, ever since she showed up, our universe has sucked like a black hole?”
> "That explains a lot," Irma said, sighing.
DOUG: (Irma) “The blind worship, the instant popularity, the drop in the entire town’s IQ...”
>
> Cait Lin just stared. This was too much.
SARAH: What, something actually having some sort of explanation?
>
> Too much was happening...
DOUG: And without a pop song in the background, either.
>
> There were places we would go at midnight/
DOUG: Wait, no, here it is.
TOM: Like the ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ screening.
> There were secrets
> that nobody else would know/
LAURIE: Because they were just too gross to share.
> There's a reason but I don't know
> why/ I don't know why/ I don't know why/
SARAH: Crap, there’s a scratch.
> I thought they all
> belonged to me/
BRIAN: *You* have to have *everything* for yourself, don’t you?
>
> The six opened their eyes, they were back in Hay Lin's bedroom.
DOUG: And permanently blackballed from Candracar.
> Cait Lin pushed a lock of blue-black hair behind her ear. She
> was a guardian?
SARAH: And she was dwelling on her *hair*?
> It was hard to believe.
TOM: Unless you were in the audience and many, many, *many* ‘new team member’ stories like this one.
>
> Who's that girl?
> Where's she from?
LAURIE: We don’t know, either - the author can’t be bothered to give any explanation.
> No she can't be the one/ That you want/
SARAH: That’s for damn sure.
> That has stolen my
> world/
BRIAN: I get it now. This song is from the regular characters’ perspective.
> It's not real, it's not right/ It's not day, it's not
> night/
TOM: It’s not soup, it’s not stew.
> By the way/
DOUG: “You gonna finish that?”
> Who's that girl living my life/ Oh no, living
> my life/
SARAH: Whoever she is, she’s probably really bored.
>
> She wasn't just a normal girl anymore. Everything was different.
> And it all happened in the blink of an eye.
TOM: And in the eye of a cliché storm.
>
> Seems like everything's the same around me/
BRIAN: Only much, much dumber.
> When I look again
> and everything has changed/
LAURIE: “I freak out and get lost in a phone booth.”
> I'm not dreaming so I don't know
> why/ I don't know why/ I don't know why/
SARAH: What’s wrong with this thing? It keeps skipping.
> She's everywhere I wanna be/
>
> There was a boom of thunder. "Not again!" Hay Lin said.
DOUG: (Hay) “I thought we were done with this half-baked attempt at suspense!”
> Cait Lin
> closed her eyes. Her life would never be the same...
LAURIE: We get it! Stop saying it!
>
> Who's that girl?
ALL: (snoring and whistling)
> Where's she from?
> No she can't be the one/ That you want/ That has stolen my
> world/ It's not real, it's not right/ It's my day, it's my
> night/
> By the way/ Who's that girl living my life/
TOM: (waking up) Huh? What? Is the chorus over?
DOUG: (yawning) I think so...
>
> Cait Lin suddenly felt like she was in her own world.
LAURIE: She already acts like it.
BRIAN: I wish she was - then the rest of the world could go back to normal.
> Silence...no talking...
SARAH: Just cheesy narration.
> she just felt lost in the darkness...It
> was so peaceful...
SARAH: Is it too much to hope she just died?
TOM: Probably.
>
> I'm the one who made you laugh/
DOUG: Well, that rules out Lisa Lampanelli and Joe Rogan.
> Who made you feel/ And made you
> sad/
BRIAN: And dumped your books and gave you a wedgie.
> I'm not sorry/ For what we did/
TOM: Putting the camp counselor’s hand in warm water while he slept.
> For who we were/
SARAH: “We were Pink Lady and Jeff.”
> I'm not
> sorry/ I'm not her/
LAURIE: She apologizes to total strangers for breathing in their general direction.
>
> Cait Lin felt like she was...floating! She opened her eyes. She
> actually was
DOUG: Falling.
> floating! She gasped and fell to the ground.
DOUG: See? Falling.
> What
> had she been doing?
TOM: No idea, but as of last night, she’s wanted in St. Paul.
> She must have been meditating.
BRIAN: Or medicating.
> Odd, Cait Lin
> thought.
SARAH: She couldn’t meditate - she had the attention span of a gnat.
>
> Who's that girl? Where's she from?
TOM: And why are we sitting through this song again?!
> No she can't be the one/ That
> you want/ That has stolen my world/ It's not real, it's not
> right/ It's my day, it's my night/ By the way/ Who's that girl
> living my life? Oh no, living my life/
>
> Suddenly there was lightning and the power went out.
LAURIE: Hooray! That means they can’t play the song!
(ALL cheer.)
> "Not
> again!" Hay Lin exclaimed, getting up and feeling around for the
> flashlight.
SARAH: (Hay, muttered) “Man, it’ll be an hour till PSE&G drag their butts out here... at least.”
> Cait Lin looked around and got up.
DOUG: (Cait) “Uh... plumbing still works in a blackout, right?”
> She hoped she
> wouldn't see that ghost again. It creeped her out.
BRIAN: It and its total lack of motivation for wanting them dead.
>
> "Might as well go downstairs," Hay Lin said, opening the door.
LAURIE: (Hay) “That way the ghost won’t have to travel far to haunt us.”
>
> The six walked down the kitchen.
DOUG: How innovative - a full-service kitchen on the stairs!
> Will went to the refrigerator.
> "Hi Sam." She said to the refrigerator. "Hello Will. What can I
> do for you?"
SARAH: (Will) “Can I have my liquid Prozac, cherry flavor, please?”
TOM: (Sam) “Sure thing!”
> He was Hay Lin's fridge,
BRIAN: Really? I thought she went across the street to the rib joint.
> Will had bonded with him
> one day when she was
LAURIE: Locked in it for a night.
> helping out Hay in the restaraunt.
TOM: In this universe without labor laws.
SARAH: (Will) “Mr. Hay Lin’s Dad, sir, I cut off a finger!”
DOUG: (Dad) “Fish it outta the soup and tape it back on, dammit! You want OSHA to shut us down?!”
>
> "Let's see," Will said, thinking.
LAURIE: (Will) “Got any foie gras?”
> "I think I'll have some
> vanilla Ice-Cream."
SARAH: (Will) “And it *has* to be Ice-Cream brand. The rest taste like crap.”
> She said finally. "It's in the top-hand
> corner of the freezer, Will." Sam said.
TOM: (Sam) “What the-? Where the hell is *that*?!”
> Will thanked him
BRIAN: After getting frostbite rifling through the freezer for an hour.
> and
> took a bowl out of the cupboard
SARAH: A jumbo mixing bowl.
> to fill it with icecream.
DOUG: If the author really tries, we might get a couple more spellings of ‘ice cream’ in before this paragraph ends.
> Cait
> Lin's jaw dropped.
TOM: (Cait) “She’s dipping *shrimp* in it! Gross!”
> She looked at the fridge skeptically. "She
> can talk to appliances." Hay Lin said to her twin.
BRIAN: (Hay) “From the second issue, remember?”
> "So, what
> will be our acronym now?" Irma asked, grinning.
TOM: Twenty-four.
> "W.I.T.C.H.C.?"
> "How about the C stands for Cornelia and Cait Lin?" Taranee
> said, looking at her. "Oh yeah." Irma sweatdropped.
LAURIE: (Cornelia, angry) “I am *not* sharing my letter with that spotlight hog!”
>
> Suddenly even the fridge shut down. "Sam?" Will said.
SARAH: (Sam, dying) “Save the frozen broccoli... ugh...”
> "Aaaaahhhhh," Cait Lin heard a voice. "OH MY GOD!"
DOUG: (frustrated) Who the hell is talking?!
> Everyone
> screamed, spinning around.
ALL: Wheeeeeeee!
> "THE GHOST!" Hay Lin screamed,
> pointing.
BRIAN: Sweetie, that’s just a dirty dishrag.
> "This can not be happening!" Cornelia said, looking at
> the white haze of a girl. "No..."
LAURIE: (Cornelia) “It isn’t? Wow, what a relief.”
> the ghost whispered before
> going through the wall.
SARAH: (ghost) “Great, *these* morons again. Like they’ll tell me where the restroom is...”
> "What does she want?" Hay Lin whispered
> going to the wall. "I don't know." Everyone said, following her.
TOM: Yet again, let’s follow the supernatural menace and make it easier for it to kill us.
>
> She opened the door to the basement and the six walked in.
DOUG: And were never seen again. The end.
> Cait
> Lin felt chills run down her spine.
BRIAN: (Cait) “Hey, guys, it feels like the fridge is working again.”
> This was too freaky. They
> all went down into the blackness.
TOM: Into the deepest part of the Atlantic, where no light can reach. (pause) Or oxygen, for that matter.
> Too bad the power's out, Cait
> Lin thought with a shiver.
LAURIE: Yeah, ‘cuz you know how ghosts are attracted to bright light.
>
> Suddenly the white haze reappeared.
BRIAN: That’s just the smoke machine.
> Cait Lin looked at the ghost
> carefully.
DOUG: (Cait) “Yep. She’s definitely flipping me off.”
> "Sssssss," The ghost said.
SARAH: She’s given up asking for the restroom and taken to using the litter box.
> "Hm..." Hay Lin said,
> looking at the ghost carefully, too.
TOM: (Hay) “Nope. Not familiar at all. Sorry.”
> "My Grandma said this
> building was haunted, but I never believed her."
LAURIE: (Hay) “Mostly because she never bothered to explain why.”
> She shrugged,
> but Cait Lin couldn't see in the darkness.
DOUG: Oh. Um... thanks for that meaningless little detail. Really.
>
> Suddenly a strong wind began to blow.
SARAH: And now we know *why* the ghost needed that restroom.
TOM: Enough of that, *please*.
> Cait Lin felt herself
> falling onto the ground. The rest fell too.
BRIAN: But only Cait felt it. She could absorb their pain, thus further earning their love.
> Suddenly Cait Lin
> saw darkness. Not like the darkness in the attic, but pure
> black.
DOUG: So she didn’t see anything, then.
>
> And she felt like she was falling. Just falling. And she felt
> like she would never stop.
TOM: She kept going down, down, down...
>
> ________________________________________
>
> A/N: Chapter Six will be posted shortly. bows
>
> SIX
SARAH: Wait, no previews?
LAURIE: No more pointless author’s notes? Yay!
TOM: But no more disclaimers - that means we won’t know if there’s another song.
>
> Cait Lin woke up, her face soaked with sweat.
BRIAN: And last night’s shrimp rolls.
> It was morning.
> "Was it all just a dream?" She asked herself, sitting up.
TOM: Why do you feel this need to keep telling us about your dreams? I *hate* when people do that.
> All
> the memories came flooding back.
SARAH: Especially that awful part with the goat.
> She realized she was lying on
DOUG: An angry porcupine.
> the floor of the basement, her twin sister and five friends
> beside her.
(ALL snicker.)
BRIAN: Not many people know this, but Cornelia’s mini-me was there the whole time.
>
> "Guys, wake up."
LAURIE: (Cait) “Mom made pancakes!
> She said, jerking them all awake.
TOM: If any of them were male, that’d be pretty awkward.
> "Whoa, what
> happened?" Irma asked, rubbing her eyes.
SARAH: I think that ghost knocked you all out. Pretty obvious.
> "I don't know, but I
> think the ghost had something to do with all of us passing out."
SARAH: Gah! Man...
> Cornelia said with a shrug. "Ya think?" Irma asked
> sarcastically. "Let's not get started, guys." Will said, coming
> in between them.
DOUG: (Will) “Just accept the fact that you’re an oblivious idiot, Irma.”
>
> They all walked upstairs and had breakfast.
TOM: Kool-Aid pickles and cold Chef Boyardee.
> "We better get
> packing," Will said looking at her watch. "It's almost 12!"
LAURIE: They must have a flight to catch.
> They
> all started to pack and then they hung out until about 4.
LAURIE: Or not.
BRIAN: If they did, it must have been crazy delayed.
> "Bye!"
> The five said, leaving.
SARAH: (Cait) “But Hay, you live here!”
LAURIE: (Hay) “Oh, right! Forgot.”
> "See ya later." Cait and Hay said,
> waving from their place at the door of the restaraunt.
DOUG: They’d each get paid ten bucks an hour to work as living statues.
>
> "I'm bored." Hay Lin said with a sweatdrop. "You always are."
> Cait Lin said flatly.
TOM: Wait. Is the author trying to make Hay the flaky, irresponsible sidekick to the sane, infallible Cait?
LAURIE: You’re shocked by this?
TOM: Only that it took this long to happen.
> They had dinner
BRIAN: One whole hour after their breakfast.
> and went to their rooms.
SARAH: To spend the rest of their night actively avoiding each other.
>
> "I'm gonna go outside to get some fresh air..."
DOUG: She finally reached her breaking point with the constant stench of garlic and fish oil.
> Cait Lin said to
> her sister, changing into some shorts and a shirt. She let her
> hair down and walked outside.
LAURIE: But - but what color are they? Were they a name brand? We need to know!
> She jogged to the park. The sun
> was already starting to set.
BRIAN: This is gonna end up serving as the basis for an episode of ‘Law & Order’, I know it.
>
> She laid there for a while.
TOM: Right on the jogging path, in the path of the marathon.
> She knew her parents might be
> wondering where she was by now, but she didn't care.
SARAH: All she had to do was play some pop song, lead them in a dance routine, and then she’s off the hook.
> She looked
> at orange horizon.
LAURIE: Horizons’ logo was black, not orange. That was Spaceship Earth.
> It was filled with clouds.
BRIAN: She began to crave a Creamsicle.
> Her mind was
> filled with questions.
DOUG: Like how she wound up separated from her family, how she wound up reunited with them, and why the author didn’t care enough to tell her.
> What was she supposed to do as a
> guardian?
SARAH: Duh. Take over leadership and rule the rest with an iron fist.
> How could she use her powers?
TOM: I believe we established she could make stuff float.
> Would she even be able
> to learn to control them?
LAURIE: Or would she collapse into a black hole of her own making?
BRIAN: It’d be just like starring in this story.
>
> Suddenly someone sat down next to her. It was Marco.
DOUG: Oh joy! I forgot about this plot cul-de-sac.
> "Hey,
> Cait." He grinned.
TOM: Twenty-five.
> "Hey," She said quietly. She ran her fingers
> through her silky blue-black hair.
SARAH: (Cait) “Ooh, found a nice, juicy tick! You want it, Marco?”
> Then she turned over to
LAURIE: Finish cooking herself.
> look
> at him. "What are you doing here?" She asked.
>
> "I came by your house," He answered.
BRIAN: After he called her cell phone eight times, her house phone twelve times, and circled the block without lights on seventeen times.
> "They said you weren't
> home,
TOM: (Marco) “And that you weren’t allowed back...”
> and they were wondering where you were.
LAURIE: (Marco) “And since you’re not blonde and photogenic, the news wouldn’t bother.”
> So I came here to
> look for you." He grinned and Cait Lin smiled.
TOM: Twenty-six... twenty-seven... good. We’re getting back up to the early levels of mindless smiling.
>
> Is this a dream?
> If it is,
SARAH: It’s just like one of those nightmares where you think you’re awake and in your normal routine, but everything’s just... *off*.
> Please don't wake me from this high.
DOUG: Just let me OD.
> I've become comfortably numb,
BRIAN: From watching a three-hour retrospective on ‘American Idol’.
> Until you opened up my eyes,
> To what it's like,
LAURIE: To drink iced gravy.
> When everything's right,
> I can't believe,
TOM: You can *never* just leave well enough alone and enjoy it, can you? There’s *always* a catch for you.
>
> She turned back to look at the sky.
SARAH: (Cait) “Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll go away.”
> The park was pretty much
> empty now besides them two.
DOUG: Jes’ them thar twosome.
TOM: No witnesses? Uh oh...
> "How did you know I was here?" She
> asked.
BRIAN: (Marco) “Homing device.”
> "Ah, I just thought based on how you love the park." He
> winked.
LAURIE: Wait, she mentioned that before?
SARAH: Now I’m having mixed feelings about seeing her gone, if it’s gonna happen like this...
> She looked at him. How did he understand so much about
> her when he only knew her for a week?
DOUG: However he did it, it’s probably not legal or ethical.
>
> You found me,
BRIAN: You win Hide and Seek.
> When no one else was lookin,
> How did you know just where I would be?
TOM: An elaborate surveillance system you’ll really be much happier not knowing any more about.
> Yeah, you broke through,
> All of my confusion,
LAURIE: While the rest of us are still knee-deep in it.
> The ups and the downs,
> And you still didn't leave,
SARAH: Even after I threatened you with the shotgun.
> I guess that you saw what nobody could see,
TOM: My imaginary friend Pookie.
> You found me,
> You found me,
BRIAN: Never before has someone been so happy to be ‘it’.
>
> "Listen, I wanted to know if maybe you wanted to go...out
> sometime,"
DOUG: (Marco) “To my in-van photography studio.”
> Marco looked down, and then back up at her.
SARAH: (Marco) “She still buying it?”
> "Well..."
> Her eyes looked into his. "I would love to."
LAURIE: Better start posing for your last known photo, Cait.
>
> So, here we are,
> That's pretty far,
BRIAN: Even by car.
> When you think of where we've been,
TOM: Let’s see... home, a club, school, here... that’s it, really.
> No going back,
> I'm fading out,
SARAH: And now to an artsy ‘CSI’ death scene.
> All that has faded me within,
DOUG: Like washing in the wrong temperature with too much soap.
> You're by my side,
LAURIE: Like a giant leech.
> Now everything's fine,
> I can't believe,
SARAH: You *shouldn’t* believe - you might live longer.
>
> "Great," He said, smiling.
TOM: Twenty-eight.
> "Want to go to Club Heather maybe,
> and then come here afterwards?"
BRIAN: (Marco) “When it’s nice and empty and isolated like this?”
> He asked. "Sounds awesome." She
> laughed. She couldn't believe it! She had been asked out by
> Marco!
LAURIE: The only male character who interacted with her - what are the odds he’d love her?!
> This was great.
>
> You found me,
> When no one else was lookin,
DOUG: The Netherlands had decided to forfeit that year’s International Hide and Seek.
> How did you know just where I would be?
> Yeah, you broke through,
> All of my confusion,
> The ups and the downs,
> And you still didn't leave,
> I guess that you saw what nobody could see,
> You found me,
> You found me,
TOM: Let’s add some songs! Repetitive songs! The more repetitive, the better! This’ll translate *great* into text!
>
> Marco stood up and reached out his hand to help Cait Lin get up.
BRIAN: Then yanked his hand away and yelled, “Psych!”
> She took it and lifted herself to her feet.
SARAH: (Marco) “Lord... It’s like hoisting a boulder with a twig...”
> "Thanks," She said,
> smiling greatfully.
TOM: And twenty-nine.
(DOUG audibly smacks his forehead.)
> The two stood there for a while, until Marco
> broke the silence.
(BRIAN belches.)
SARAH: Ew! You slob!
> "I suppose you better get going. Don't want
> your parents to worry."
TOM: (evil cackling) Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... ahem...
>
> And I was hiding,
> 'Til you came along,
LAURIE: Just *had* to go and ruin my fun in the crawlspace.
> And showed me where I belong,
DOUG: In the basement pantry, next to the rhubarb jam.
> You found me,
> You found me,
> When no one else was lookin,
> How did you know?
> How did you know?
SARAH: ‘Frere Jacques’ has less echoing than this song.
>
> "Oh yeah, right.
BRIAN: (Cait) “I’m supposed to have, like, loving parents now, or something.”
> So, see you Friday then?" She asked him.
> "Friday." He said with a wink.
LAURIE: Stop doing that! It’s really, really creepy!
>
> You found me,
> When no one else was lookin,
> How did you know just where I would be?
DOUG: Eh. We figured it was time for the chorus to repeat again.
> Yeah, you broke through,
> All of my confusion,
> The ups and the downs,
> And you still didn't leave,
> I guess that you saw what nobody could see,
> You found me,
>
> Cait Lin waved to him as he walked away. She squealed slightly
TOM: Someone pulled her curly tail.
> as she realized what just happened. "I am going on a date with
> Marco."
SARAH: We hear ya. We don’t care.
> She said exitedly,
(DOUG audibly smacks his forehead twice.)
> walking back to her house.
LAURIE: (Cait) “Oh, shoot - I got so excited I went back to the orphanage!”
> She walked
> into the Silver Dragon and up to her room.
BRIAN: She only had a week to get ready and couldn’t waste a second.
> Hay Lin past her as
> she was walking downstairs to get a snack.
>
> "What's with you?" She asked, looking at her.
>
> Cait Lin just shrugged as she walked past her.
SARAH: (Cait) “You wouldn’t understand, since you’ve been demoted to my comic relief.”
>
> (You found me)
TOM: You know what this song needs?
SARAH: To not be in this story at all?
TOM: Well, yeah. But since it is, it could a verse or two.
> (When no one else was lookin)
> You found me,
> (How did you know just where I would be)
> You broke through,
> All of my confusion,
> The ups and the downs,
> And you still didn't leave,
> I guess that you saw what nobody could see,
> The good and the bad,
> And the things in between,
> You found me,
> You found me,
>
> Cait Lin collapsed on her bed and smiled slightly.
TOM: Thirty.
> "I can't wait
> till Friday." She whispered, closing her eyes.
BRIAN: (Cait) “I have to pick out just the right song for my date...”
>
> ________________________________________
>
> Author's Note: Sorry the beginning was a little rushed,
DOUG: Taking the ghost story somewhere would’ve required planning, and that’s too hard.
> but I
> needed to get to the excitement.
LAURIE: Of copying and pasting lyrics and jamming paragraphs of dialogue awkwardly between the choruses.
> Anyway, chapter seven should be
> posted within the week. Cya then.
SARAH: Save the Textschpract for Study Hall, please.
>
> -Chapter Seven-
>
> Cait Lin tied her hair up in a high ponytail after she curled
> her hair.
LAURIE: Thus knocked every curl loose.
> She left two strands down in the front
DOUG: For maximum distracting annoyance.
> and put some
> barrettes in. She wore black jeans, black flip-flops, and a
> black halter top with black arm warmers.
LAURIE: Oh, phew. We know what she’s wearing. Now I feel grounded.
> She put on some lip
> gloss
BRIAN: Was it black?
> and walked out the door of her room.
>
> "I'm going out now!" She called out.
>
> "Have fun!" Her parents and Hay Lin said,
DOUG: (Mom) “Think we’ll ever see her again?”
TOM: (Dad) “No chance in Hell.”
SARAH: (Hay) “Good riddance.”
> as she walked into the
> brisk cold night. She pulled the arm warmers up her arm a little
> bit to keep warm.
LAURIE: Because most of the heat in your body escapes through your forearms - they’re called nature’s radiators.
> She saw Marco leaning against the wall,
> waiting for her.
DOUG: I’m sorry - I keep picturing him in ‘Miami Vice’ cast-offs.
>
> "Ready?" He said, smiling.
TOM: Thirty-one.
>
> "Yup." Cait Lin said with a grin.
TOM: Thirty-two.
> The two walked down the street
> and
SARAH: Got hopelessly lost.
BRIAN: Wonder if either of them has seen ‘Judgment Night’...
> turned the corner in the direction of Club Heather. When
> they got there, they saw tons of familiar faces from Sheffield
> Institute.
TOM: Yes, it’s Jailbait Night at Club Heather! Nubile teens and dirty old men get in free!
> They sat at a table facing eachother and talked for a
> while about school things,
LAURIE: Like how thinky stuff is icky.
> movies,
SARAH: An endless string of slush-brained romantic comedies.
> music,
DOUG: And how, lately, it keeps playing for no reason and with no visible means for it to play.
> and celebrities.
TOM: Celebrity gossip is at the heart of every great relationship.
> The
> music that was playing went from Behind These Hazel Eyes, 1 2
> Step, to My Happy Ending, which was playing currently.
LAURIE: You can buy the world famous soundtrack to ‘Strong Spirit’ on iTunes, if you have absolutely no pride.
>
> "Oh my god, Jeremy Sumpter is way better than Ben Stiller!" Cait
> Lin exclaimed, laughing.
SARAH: Who wants to bet she’s using the Hunky-Wunky Scale instead of the Talent Scale?
BRIAN: Well, if she’s using the Hunkiness Scale, Jerry Stiller would win, hands down.
>
> "I am going to stick with Ben Stiller for being the better
> actor. He is hilarious."
DOUG: (Marco, monotone) “Just the thought of his antics makes me fall into hysterics.”
> Marco said, crossing his arms and
> grinning.
TOM: Thirty-three.
BRIAN: (Marco) “Duh... I’m right ‘cuz I’m the boy.”
>
> Cait Lin just laughed.
LAURIE: She’d sucked up a whole tank of nitrous.
> Before they were arguing about which
> Friends character was better.
DOUG: It quickly devolved into a knife fight.
SARAH: ‘Friends’?!
> Marco had said Joey and Phoebe
> were the best
SARAH: ‘*Friends*’?!
> while Cait Lin said that although she agreed with
> her about Phoebe and Joey,
SARAH: (nearly screaming) ‘*FRIENDS*’?!
LAURIE: I take it you’re not a fan.
> he had to admit that the rest were
> funny, too, especially Chandler.
BRIAN: At least until the show decided it’d rather be an epic romance than a comedy - after that, no one was funny.
> Marco had just rolled his eyes
> and laughed.
TOM: (Marco) “Man, what an empty-headed twit.”
>
> As My Happy Ending ended, the guy who introduced the songs
DOUG: I believe he’s called a DJ, but I might be wrong. He might be called a surgeon.
> came
> up onto the stage. "Now it is karaoke night.
TOM: (DJ) “You have three minutes to flee for your lives.”
> Our first person up
> is going to be," He paused.
BRIAN: (DJ) “Let’s just consult the sign-in sheet here...”
SARAH: Someone we’ve never heard of!
> "Cait Lin!
SARAH: Damn.
> Her song choice is
> unknown, so get ready for a surprise."
LAURIE: (DJ) “Just remember - anyone who gets up here and asks to do ‘I Will Survive’ will be executed.”
>
> Cait Lin gasped and looked at Marco. He grinned mischieviously
> and shrugged.
TOM: Thirty-four.
BRIAN: she’s Supreme Queen of the Universe now! Why is she surprised she’s being put in the spotlight?
> "I can't do this." She whispered hoarsely.
DOUG: (Cait) “I have spontaneous laryngitis.”
>
> "Yes you can." Was all he said.
TOM: (Marco) “Or else you’ll fall on the coffee table again.”
>
> Cait Lin swallowed and walked to the stage. She decided to sing
> the first song that came to her head:
SARAH: ‘Brandy’!
> You Set Me Free by
> Michelle Branch. "Um," She cleared her throat.
TOM: (full minute of loud, phlegmy hacking and coughing)
> Could she even
> sing?
LAURIE: Or would she be doomed to the chorus line forever?
> She shrugged.
BRIAN: She’d master it in no time and probably get a recording contract on the spot.
> At least Marco had faith in her.
DOUG: To humiliate herself.
> "I am going
> to sing, "You Set Me Free" by Michelle Branch." She said, before
> clearing her throat again.
SARAH: Someone get her a Halls, *please*.
> The guy put a CD in of Michelle
> Branch songs without the words
LAURIE: Gee, do you mean a karaoke CD? Like you use in karaoke machines on Karaoke Night?
> and set it to it.
DOUG: Set the CD to the CD - gotcha.
> She opened her
> mouth and started to sing.
TOM: Whoa! It’s the second coming of the Cherry Sisters! Lower the safety netting.
>
> "Can't you see?
> There's a feeling that's come over me,
SARAH: That’s just the flu.
> Close my eyes,
TOM: I’m too lazy to do it myself.
> You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless,"
BRIAN: After the sucker punch.
>
> She was actually singing!
LAURIE: Well, in a sense.
> She felt so used to it, but she had
> only sang once in the shower.
DOUG: It’s just another of Cait’s super-special reality warping powers. Pretty soon everyone in the club will be weeping.
> I hope I'm good, she thought, as
> she continued to sing.
SARAH: Just so long as you’re photogenic. That’s all you need for ‘American Idol’, especially if you’re female.
>
> "No need to wonder why,
> Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny,
LAURIE: Especially if they forgot to give you a gift receipt.
BRIAN: And we’re back to the ego wanking.
> 'Cause I wanted to fly,
> so you gave me your wings,
TOM: Although the wax was a bit soft and melty...
> And time held its breath so I could see, yeah,
> And you set me free,"
DOUG: Free to speak like a particularly cheesy anniversary card.
>
> Cait Lin didn't care if people who laughing right now or not.
LAURIE: Oh, good! We’ve been laughing and crying the whole time.
SARAH: And jeering. Don’t forget the jeering.
> She liked singing.
BRIAN: She liked being pelted with empty Rolling Rock bottles.
> She felt free. She wasn't doing this for
> Marco anymore. She was doing this for her.
TOM; Look, quit pretending that she does anything for anyone else. *Everything* Cait does is to build herself up.
>
> "There's a will,
> There's a way,
> Sometimes words just can't explain,
DOUG: So I’ll fall back on tired, vague colloquialisms instead.
> This is real,
> I'm afraid,
LAURIE: No, you aren’t. You’re mocking our pain now.
> I guess this time there's just no hiding, fighting,
> You make me restless,"
SARAH: Caffeination by osmosis?
>
> She continued to sing. Suddenly she realized she was closing her
> eyes,
BRIAN: Or that she had eyes at all.
> she opened and saw tons of surprised faces.
DOUG: (audience member) “Her singing has angered Godzilla, and he’s gonna stomp on her! (pause) Maybe once he does, he’ll leave.”
> She
closed her
> eyes again, not wanting to see their faces.
TOM: Or the first volley of rotten fruit.
> She didn't know if
> that meant they liked it or not.
SARAH: (bitterly) Oh, *we* can guess what the reaction will be.
>
> "You're in my heart,
DOUG: Don’t try to invoke a good song after all this.
> The only light that shines,
> there in the dark,
TOM: The blue canary in the outlet by the light switch?
> 'Cause I wanted to fly,
> so you gave me your wings,
> And time held its breath so I could see, yeah,
> And you set me free,"
BRIAN: “Happy anniversary, honey! Enjoy the pot roast - Love, Debbie.”
>
> She soon forgot about all the faces, and just sang louder.
LAURIE: But the sounds of shattering glass and panicked screaming made her look again.
> She
> soon got into it, and moved around the stage,
SARAH: Tap-dancing like a fiend.
> smiling
TOM: Thirty-five.
> and
> opening her eyes, seeing all the people in front of her.
DOUG: Dry-clicking their revolvers at her.
>
> "When I was alone,
> You came around,
> When I was down,
LAURIE: You were my clown.
> You pulled me through,
> And there's nothing that,
> I wouldn't do for you,"
BRIAN: Never, ever promise that - you’ll wind up in jail and short a kidney.
>
> She sang with all her heart, now. She didn't want to stop, now.
> She closed her eyes
TOM: Now.
> and started to sing
DOUG: Now.
> the last verse of the
> song, although she didn't want it to end.
SARAH: But we do. Do we count?
>
> "'Cause I wanted to fly,
> so you gave me your wings,
LAURIE: I’m shocked this song wasn’t used in an Always ad.
> And time held its breath so I could see, yeah,
> And you set me free,"
>
> She finished singing and looked at the silent crowd.
TOM: Remember the audience for ‘Springtime for Hitler’ in ‘The Producers’?
> After about
> 10 seconds, the crowd burst into applause,
BRIAN: (audience member) “She finally shut up!”
ALL: “Yaaaaaaaay!”
> Marco the loudest.
DOUG: Oh, c’mon, he’s just faking it to weasel into her micro-mini.
> She gasped, and grinned,
TOM: Thirty-six.
> blushing. She couldn't believe it!
> Could she actually sing!
SARAH: Sadly, we could. We didn’t want to, but we could.
> She put the microphone on the stand and
> walked back down to her seat by Marco.
LAURIE: Which had been jury-rigged into an electric chair during her song.
>
> "You were great," He said, giving her a thumbs up.
TOM: No, give the ‘okay’ sign, so I can say, “It stinks!”
>
> "Really?" She asked.
>
> "No one is better." He grinned,
TOM: Thirty-seven.
> making Cait Lin blush. This date
> was just getting better and better.
>
LAURIE: And it ends on a dully romantic note.
TOM: I liked the fact that everyone was grinning more than a dozen Jokers.
DOUG: I really love the way her family got lobotomies and then vanished after the fifth chapter.
BRIAN: And don’t forget the rest of the regular cast.
SARAH: Let’s catch up with the Domos and see what’s going on.
(DOUG picks up TOM and ALL exit.)
--------
Part Two:
https://melashaanmst.tripod.com/mst2099f2.htm